Life is Jillicious

Happy 3rd Anniversary

2012-01-22T19:45:00.001-07:00

Happy Anniversary

Weather appropriate and parenting!

2012-01-18T18:08:00.001-07:00

I stumbled upon a single fathers blog and it reminded me of what I see when I am waiting to pick up the kids from school. I have noticed that parents don't dress their kids weather appropriate. I have seen children walk out of school wearing short sleeved shirts, shorts and no jacket in the middle of a freezing January day. I have also seen kids wear just a jacket when it's snowing and blistering cold. What were these parents thinking??? You are they parent, You make the rules and the children need to obey them. Or is it that parents are lazy and don't care what their kids are wearing?

I honestly don't understand how it is so difficult to dress your child with appropriate clothing for the weather. I feel a parent needs to be a parent.....not necessarily just a taxi, housekeeper, cook or someone who is at their children's beck and call. Making the choice to have a child means you made the choice to be responsible for that child, and if that means to get them dressed appropriately, to discipline them with a proper consequence, and teaching them right from wrong then that is what needs to happen. No more excuses of, I work all the time, I don't want to fight with the kids, they can make their own choices.....YOU are the parent, you know right from wrong and you need to teach the child right from wrong.

Why are parents scared of their kids and would rather be there friend then a parent. Are they scared that the child is going to hate them if they make them wear an appropriate clothing item? Is it because they are lazy and don't want to discipline them. I really just don't understand it. I will discipline when necessary, because I love the kids and want them to be well rounded, not because I want to be mean to them. I am not worried that the are going to hate me because they are are getting disciplined for behaving inappropriate. I am being a parent! Yes, they will probably not like you and think you are the worst parent ever. BUT again, YOU are the parent! It is your JOB!!

When you become a parent you want what is best for your children, but is cottling them and not caring what they wear or do the best thing to do? NO! I am not a perfect parent, and no parent is, but I do know that giving your child boundaries and expectations is a healthy way to raise your kids.

Hoarding

2012-01-12T17:40:00.005-07:00

Over the last 6 months I have had mere sips of soda. Not really by my choice but because of medications I had been taking. After the first few weeks Soda had become very bitter, and metallic tasting. It was nasty....so I stopped drinking it. every now and them I would take a sip of the husbands soda and gag and make faces because it tasted yucky. I have stopped taking the meds that made the soda taste gross, but it has made my taste buds changed....I don't like soda....even my favorite thing in the world..Dr. Pepper. It sucks, but on the same hand it's been a nice change in my diet!!

I have started drinking Gaterades, Powerades, Sobe's and juices. They are much better for me and I don't have the caffeine cravings! I will usually grab a bottle for lunch and drink it through out the day and I have noticed that I don't drink all of it. I drink most of it. I have also been hoarding them. I haven't figured out why I don't drink all of it or why I hoard the bottles. I just think it's funny!

I guess It's better then drinking soda! hahaha

Moments in time

2011-12-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

It's been almost 3 yrs since I married the love of my life! He is my greatest cheerleader, supporter and protector! it's crazy to think we have been together for almost 5 years and how fast time as flown. We have had ups and downs, sickness and health, richer and poorer moments and it has made us stronger as a couple and as individuals.

We fight for the insanity of what are lives have become with my health issues, the hubby's health issues, kids, pets and everything else that surrounds us. We have good days... where we giggle and make each other laugh at the silliest things and we have days where we are mad and frustrated at the world. We cry and hold each other and hope for the best.

Some days I feel like we have had the struggles of a 20 year marriage rolled into 3. Selling and buying a house our first year, him getting injured half way through the 2nd and me following months behind him on my injury. I truly hope this coming year provides us with much needed relief from the pain of health issues, frustrations of ex spouses, family, work and stressful things. I hope to have a truly great year. One with Miracles floating all around, chance meetings of special people, and gratefulness of everything we have had to go through and will still have to go through.

Here is to a wonderful new year!!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

Christmas Jars!!

2011-12-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if everyone bakes for the neighbors around you during the Christmas season. But where I live, we do. I usually bake cookies, brownies, make rice krispie treats and add small candy's to the "neighbor plates". By the end of the season you have 10-15 plates of random goodies and you gain 20 pounds from just looking at it. I wanted to do something different this year.

I had a great idea for something different. A Mason jar candle holder.

Materials needed:
a clean small mouth mason jar
rub on pictures
candle holder that fits inside a small mouth mason jar
candle
ribbon

Rub the picture you want onto the front of the glass jar and any other place you would like. Then paint the inside of the jar with whatever color you choose...I did green and white. When the inside of the jar is dry, add the candle holder and candle, Tie the ribbon around the candle holder and glass jar, tie in knot. And there you have a beautiful gift to give....or keep if you like!!

Get out!

2011-12-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in awhile. I have been busy with my business, kids and other things. In the past I have been very open with the things that are going on in my life. but lately there has been a person who has used what i write to her own personal gain. She has said things to the kids about personal medical things. Things that she had NO right saying to them and worrying them for no reason. If I had wanted the kids to know certain things about my medical procedures then I or my husband would sit the kids down and talk to them about it. NOT HER!!

I have been seriously thinking about taking my blog private for this very reason.but am not sure if that is what I am going to do. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of her getting to me. Which she hasn't. but I am very aggravated that she chooses to include the kids in adult situations. So if you are reading this and think I should go private send me your email so you can continue to read about my comings and goings. if you are reading this and know that I am talking about you. take note.....STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS!

Giveaway!!

2011-11-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

How many of you like Giveaways??? I love them. I have won a few in the past and want to share this giveaway with all of you!

Wilton Ultimate Decorating Set

I'm Participating in The:

Ultimate Christmas Giveaway!

I decided to Participate in this Giveaway, to Give YOU,
My Readers the Opportunity to Win!
About 30 other Bloggers besides myself, (not me)
Teamed up to Provide this GREAT Giveaway!
The Host of This Great Giveaway is:
"Life According to Damaris" Blog.

One Lucky *Winner* Will Receive the:

**Wilton Ultimate Decorating Set **

**(Value: $199.99) !!!**

peanut butter bars

2011-11-15T18:26:00.001-07:00

peanut butter bars 1

1/2 c butter
1 1/2 c sugar
1 1/2c brown sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 c peanut butter/creamy
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
1 Tbsp vanilla
mix all together
then add 3c flour & 2 c oatmeal
mix until smooth. spread on ungreased cookie sheet. bake at 350` for 20 min. or until light brown. let bars cool before frosting.

FROSTING:
16oz powdered sugar
1tsp vanilla
1c shortening
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 c whipping cream
1/4c cocoa
mix together and frost peanut butter bars.

Peanut butter bars 2
1 c sugar
1 c brown sugar
1 c margerine
2 eggs
1 c peanut butter
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
2c flour
2c oats

Cream butter and sugar together. add eggs;beat until smooth. add peanut butter and blend. add soda salt and flour. add oats and vanilla. pat into a 11x16 jellyroll pan. bake at 325` for 20 min . remove from oven and spread peanut butter on bars. the spread chocolate frosting(from a jar)on top of peanut butter.

Dr's, diagnosis, and treatments.

2011-11-14T20:31:00.000-07:00

I realized I haven't blogged in a bit. I've been dealing with Dr's, diagnosis, and treatments. I feel like I am always at the dr's...either waiting, paying or being frustrated by the options the dr is giving me.

I have a complication from my injury a year ago. it has been a very frustrating trying to figure out what to do. I have pain in my right leg..it started right after I got injured and hasn't gotten better. I have trouble with mobility and strength. it's hard for me to walk a long distance. I get worn out and have major pain all the way up and down my leg. I also have major sensitivity on my leg. I hate anything touching it blankets, pants or anything close to my leg. Then on top of that I my foot gets cold and burns all the time. I can't wear socks and slippers work part of the time.

I feel broken.

After going to my dr's for the millionth time, We had another MRI. and then a diagnosis... The dr's think I have RSD or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. It scares me beyond anything. I have a lifelong illness that can't be cured. I can have it calmed down or in remission but it will never go away completely.

The Dr's and I have a plan in place to calm it down. I am hoping it does. I guess this is my trial in life and I have to make the best of it.

or maybe it really hasn't hit me and I am just waiting to crash and burn.

easy peasy Lasagna

2011-11-03T21:14:00.000-06:00

1 can of spaghetti sauce..I use hunts!
24 oz of cottage cheese
1lb of hamburger.... browned

mix all ingredients. Put a small layer of sauce in a 9 X 11 pan, then add lasagna noodle(not cooked), layer more sauce, then noodles. When you finish layering add cheese to the top. cover with foil and cook at 350* for 1 hour. let sit for about 5-10 min and then serve.
super yummy and easy.

sometimes I use egg noodles instead of lasagna noodles and just mix it all together instead of layering. I call that lasagna casserole.

Crock pot recipes

2011-11-01T14:02:00.001-06:00

All recipes came from Crock pot moms

EASY CHICKEN

Put about 6-8 boneless skinless chicken breast in bottom of crock pot (fresh or frozen).
Throw three cans of cream of chicken soup on top. You can also use a combination of cream of mushroom and cream of celery also.
Add two chicken bouillon cubes.
Cook on LOW for 6 hours.
Makes a DELICIOUS gravy and chicken. Serve with mashed potatoes and a veggie and yum yum!

sometimes for a change I use cream of mushroom soup and add 1 Cup of rice for the last 2 hours.

This one is a breeze!

Wrap up 4 average sized baking potatoes in foil and place on bottom of crock pot.
Place 4 bone in chicken breasts on top of the potatoes.
Season the chicken to taste ( I used some garlic, salt and pepper)
...
Cook on low for 4-6 hours, depending on how hot your cooker cooks. Mine can usually cook chicken perfectly for 4 hours on low.

No liquid is needed since the chicken will produce it's own liquid. The potatoes were so good!

SUPER EASY!

6 Boneless Chicken Breast
2 cans of cream of chicken soup
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
1 can of water

Throw it all in the crock pot and let cook on low all day while at work. When I get home from work I cook some rice to serve along with the above

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T09:51:00.000-06:00

Green Tomatoes

2011-10-28T21:42:00.000-06:00

What do you do with a huge amount of green tomatoes?? The family picked all the tomatoes off of our huge jungle. We have had lots of tomatoes produced from the 3 plants we planted in may. The weather was getting colder and if we didn't pick them they all would have been frozen. So now what do I do with all of them???

I have asked around who wants them and NO takers...so now what do I do? I found a few recipes and thought maybe I could make something with them...I'm more leaning towards jam and the fried green tomatoes....and of course I have to watch the movie!!!

SOOOOO, what would you do with them??

Green tomato raspberry jam

Ingredients

4 cups shredded green tomatoes
4 cups white sugar
1 (6 ounce) package raspberry flavored gelatin mix

Directions

Combine tomatoes and sugar in a large saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat. Stir and cook about 10 minutes. Add the gelatin, reduce heat to low, and simmer for 20 minutes.
Spoon into hot, sterilized jars and seal; or, pour into freezer containers and freeze.

GREEN TOMATO CASSEROLE

2 1/2 pounds green tomatoes, peeled and cut into 1/2- to 3/4-inch slices

1/2 tablespoon sugar

Salt and pepper to taste

3/4 cup fresh bread crumbs

6 tablespoons melted butter, halved

1/2 teaspoon oregano

1/2 teaspoon basil

1/4 teaspoon thyme

1/3 cup Parmesan cheese

Arrange slices, overlapping, in a lightly greased baking dish. Sprinkle each layer with sugar and with salt and pepper to taste. Lightly brown bread crumbs in 3 tablespoons melted butter. Combine oregano, basil and thyme with the bread crumbs and sprinkle over tomatoes. Top with cheese and 3 tablespoons melted butter. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.

GREEN TOMATO SALSA

5 medium green tomatoes

2 jalapeño peppers

1 small onion

1 garlic clove

2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

Salt and pepper to taste

Combine all ingredients in a blender. Keep refrigerated.

FRIED GREEN TOMATOES

4 to 6 tomatoes, 1/4-inch slices

Salt and pepper

Flour for dusting

2 eggs, beaten

Cornmeal or bread crumbs

Bacon grease or vegetable oil

beans or no beans

2011-10-25T18:20:00.000-06:00

Fall is one of my favorite seasons....I love the colors, smells and feel of it. When I was growing up, my mom would make homemade donuts around Halloween time. She would also make homemade chili. most of the times she would make both on the same day. Us kids would walk in from school and have the smell of chili in our noses and hope that mom was making donuts.

I didn't always love what she put in the chili but I loved the smell of it. She would also make bread sticks to go with the chili and let us kids help roll the dough into long snakes.

Now a days I just buy my chili.....although the hubby doesn't like the beans in them?? Crazy!!

The Little Seed....Featured Friday

2011-10-13T16:46:00.000-06:00

Last week I saw an email from The little seed. I love their products, love what they promote and love Soleil Moon Fry.   She is such a hardworking mom who has had to overcome the childhood stardom.   She just came out with her new book called."Happy Chaos" I haven't read it yet but it's on order. Can't wait to read it!!

So the Email asked if anyone would be interested in being a featured Blogger. They asked, to talk about being a parent, your family, your business, things you're passionate about. What a great idea! I emailed them and wrote a little about what I wanted to write about........ Me being a step-parent, going through fertility treatments and trying to start a business to help pay for the treatments.

They liked my ideas and asked me to tell my story.....I was thrilled. I wrote my heart out. I wrote what I felt needed to be told to others. Someone out in the world needs to know that they are not alone. That they're others who are going through the same thing and we need to be there for each other.

When I started going thought my stuff, I thought I was the only one going through it and felt very much alone. I didn't want to talk to family about it. knowing they would ask the usual questions. "if you stop trying to get pregnant it will happen" "just relax and don't try so hard" "I know you'll get pregnant soon".   I heard these words many times....over and over....nobody really understood. So when they asked me to blog, I was very happy to help someone else.

Being a step-parent and trying to get pregnant isn't the easiest thing in the world. It's a tough world to balance. on top of dealing with co-parenting and dealing with 2 households. I just hope when I do get pregnant ....I have found more balance in my life and hope to help others.

SOOOO. Tomorrow I will be featured on "The Little Seed". I'm very excited to expand my writing and my words to others.   I hope you will all go over and see what my little heart and The Little Seed has for you!

Thank you to everyone on the Little Seed team....I hope I don't disappoint!

What is......

2011-10-08T12:43:00.000-06:00

What is..... Do we really understand the true meanings of words we use everyday or do we just understand the generic social terms. Like Mother or Father.... You don't have to give birth or be biologically connected to be called a mother or father...it's defined by your actions and support throughout the lives of a child or children. Love, is used so often that people really don't understand the true meaning or feelings behind the word? Most probably use it with relationships, use it socially or as a manipulation word, to get what they want. but most don't appreciate the simple meaning of just loving a person or thing for who or what they are with out prejudice. Hate, is used to express feelings of anger, disdain or to show how upset you are. most think hate is a strong word to use against each other and others use it frequently. but do we really hate as much as we think we do. Peace, is what most people want for the world....but what about their households or lives? if their own households or lives were more peaceful wouldn't the world be that way as well? at least we can try? Silence, that is what most of us want when we have had a bad day at work, home or school. but do any of us really cherish the silence. listen to the quiet. listen for something to be uplifted in their lives or have something that had been bottling up let go. Silence can be very powerful if you let it be. Life, do we really appreciate life and what it can offer. it's amazing to think that life can go on and on for generations, but do we really stop and understand that the fundamentals of it. We are learning everyday new things. We learn to not do bad things and try and do more good things. life is about trial and error.

A mother, mom, mum, momma, or mama is a woman who has raised a child, given birth to a child, and/or supplied the ovum that grew into a child.Because of the complexity and differences of a mother's social, cultural, and religious definitions and roles, it is challenging to specify a universally acceptable definition for the term. .Mother can often apply to a woman other than the biological parent, especially if she fulfills the main social role in raising the child. This is commonly either an adoptive mother or a stepmother (the biologically unrelated wife of a child's father).

A father is defined as a male parent of any type of offspring.^[1] The adjective "paternal" refers to father, parallel to "maternal" for mother. The verb "to father" means to procreate or to sire a child from which also derives the gerund "fathering". A father is known as a giant who exemplifies all the qualities of an optimal father and joins the league of fathers.^[2]^[3] Most fathers are naturally protective, supportive, and responsible and are able to provide a number of significant benefits for their children.^[4] Involved fathers offer developmentally specific provisions to their sons and daughters throughout the life cycle and are impacted themselves by their doing so.^[5] Active father figures have a key role to play in reducing behavior problems in boys and psychological problems in young women.

Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. Love is central to many religions, as in the Christian phrase, "God is love" or Agape in the Canonical gospels. Love may also be described as actions towards others (or oneself) based on compassion, or as actions towards others based on affection. In English, love refers to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure ("I loved that meal") to interpersonal attraction ("I love my partner"). "Love" may refer specifically to the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love, to the sexual love of eros, to the emotional closeness of familial love, or the platonic love that defines friendship,to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.Love may be understood a part of the survival instinct, a function keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.

Hatred (or hate) is a deep and emotional extreme dislike, directed against a certain object or class of objects. The objects of such hatred can vary widely, from inanimate objects to animals, oneself or other people, entire groups of people, people in general, existence, or the whole world. Though not necessarily, hatred is often associated with feelings of anger and disposition towards hostility against the objects of hatred. Hatred can become very driven. Actions after a lingering thought are not uncommon upon people or oneself. Hatred can result in extreme behavior such as violence, murder and war.

Peace is a state of harmony characterized by the lack of violent conflict. Commonly understood as the absence of hostility, peace also suggests the existence of healthy or newly healed interpersonal or international relationships, prosperity in matters of social or economic welfare, the establishment of equality, and a working political order that serves the true interests of all. In international relations, peacetime is not only the absence of war or conflict, but also the presence of cultural and economic understanding and unity. There is also a sense of tolerance in international relations for the realization of true peace.

Silence is the relative or total lack of audible sound. By analogy, the word silence may also refer to any absence of communication, even in media other than speech.^[1] Silence is also used as total communication, in reference to non verbal communication and spiritual connection. Silence is also referred to no sounds uttered by any body in a room and or area. Silence is a very important factor in many cultural spectacles, as in rituals.

Life It is still a challenge for scientists and philosophers to define life in unequivocal terms. Defining life is difficult—in part—because life is a process, not a pure substance.^[15] Any definition must be sufficiently broad to encompass all life with which we are familiar, and it should be sufficiently general that, with it, scientists would not miss life that may be fundamentally different from life on Earth.^[16]

Happy Anniversary

2011-09-30T15:51:00.000-06:00

Today is my Parents 34th Wedding Anniversary. They got married when I was 1yr and 4 months old, My bio dad or as I call him sperm donor, had left when I was about 5 months old. My step-dad....or as I call him, Dad, came into our lives when I was about 9- 10 months old.

It wasn't easy coming into a family with 5 young kids, From 8yrs old to 1yrs old. Most of us kids struggled a lot with the adjustment of a new parent coming into our lives. I never knew any difference and didn't quite understand what was going on most of the time. The oldest 2 siblings knew the bio more then the rest of us and struggled more with everything. It was always a roller coaster for all of us trying to figure out where we belonged.When I got a bit older and 2 more siblings came into the family, making it 7 kids I struggled with trying to figure out were I fit it....the first 5 or the youngest 3. I usually stayed with the youngest 3. it's where I felt most comfortable.

I remember being 5 and the bio had come to pick us up for a visitation. I screamed and didn't want to go. I didn't know who this person was, really. This strange person who showed up when he thought it was convenient for him and only him. My mom had to beg me to go, I don't remember getting in the car, but I do remember going to an apartment that smelled of stale beer and cigarettes. The walls were a pale yellow and there wasn't much room for any of us 5 to sit or do much of anything. From that day on I swore to myself I would NEVER drink or smoke. I hate the smell of either for that very reason. I can still remember the smell, and I want to puke at the mere thought of it.

I remember during the summer of me turning 12, my Dad took all us kids, now 7 of us, on a road trip to Washington state to see the bio and the bio's parents. it was around this time I started realizing what kind of person the bio really was...a selfish, horrible person who only cared about himself. around Christmas time my older siblings brought the bio out for Christmas. It was a big surprise for everyone. I wasn't sure how to feel. at the time everything at the house was in a whirl wind. The brother who was just 16 months older then me was getting into a lot of trouble, the parents were having trouble, things weren't all that perfect. I could feel the stress mounting. and bringing the bio into the mix wasn't a good thing. but I couldn't do anything about it.

I didn't see or hear from the bio until I was 16. My oldest sister and I had flown back to Washington to go to the bio's fathers funeral. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about seeing him. He was the same. The same selfish, horrible person who only cared about himself. I had found out a few years before that I had a half-sibling from him that lived in Washington, I had only seen a few pictures of her and knew her name. During the few days before the funeral the bio had mentioned on a few occasions I was his baby girl. this confused me, he had another daughter younger then me, and yet he called ME, baby girl. I didn't know how to take it. he should be telling his youngest those words. not me. It felt as though he had forgot who this other child was. Is this what he does? conveniently forgets who his kids are when it suits him. I didn't understand.

During the viewing and right before the funeral started, most of the bio's family was standing in the foyer of the LDS church. We were waiting for the family prayer in the other room to start. I looked out the doors and was watching people walk in to pay there respects. I saw a lady and a little girl of maybe 11 walk in, they weren't dressed for a funeral. I was a little perplexed at the thought of them being there. Then the little girl squealed "daddy" and ran into the bio's arms...this was my half-sister. I felt the room spin, a knife stab me in the chest. Tears welled up into my eyes. I had to get out of there. I needed to breath. I walked into the room where people were viewing the body. Tears started to flow. I couldn't breath. I wanted to scream. They were starting to moving people into to say the family prayer and I tried hiding against the wall, to let the pain come over me.

The bio found me with her in his arms. he moved me to a seat and we sat for the prayer. When that was over and the procession to the chapel started I wanted to run, to run anywhere but there, but something made me stay and walk in the family line and sit with everyone. My older sister sat next to me, which was a good thing. I don't think I could have dealt with him next to me the whole time. Every emotion ran through my head during the funeral, at the cemetery and the family luncheon. I had come to a conclusion. When was he there for me ever? When was he ever there for her, My little sister? That was the question that kept coming up. He conveniently chose when to be a father when it suited him and I wasn't OK with it. I wrote him a letter the last night we were there and gave it to my uncle to give to him....I had said something like, "you are not my father, You have a baby girl and is not me. when were you ever there for any of us...... I don't remember the rest of it, I just remember the emotion and passion of the letter.

I had put him out of my life, my head and everything else....he was no longer any part of my life. that's when I realized my Step-dad was my Dad. He was there for every birthday...even the first one. He was there for the scrapes, the bruises, the good grades, the bad, the sibling fights, every holiday every little thing there was to have. That was the beginning of me realizing everything my Dad did for all of us. He married my Mom with 5 young kids, and loved all of us completely.

When I was a month a way from my 21st birthday the bio decided he wanted to move back, move back to be in his kids lives....We are all grown up now...so no responsibility for him. Nice. I wanted nothing to do with him. My sisters brought him into my work....A place were I couldn't leave. It was they most extremely awkward situation ever. I tried to be cordial for the next few months but the same emotions of him conveniently choosing to be a father when it suited him, kept coming back and I STILL wasn't OK with it. I cut all ties. If he was at my sisters I wouldn't go there, or would stay briefly. At one time my mom had invited him to her house for thanksgiving and I was not going to go, She would tell me that he has no family and needed somewhere to spend thanksgiving. Well, that was fine by me, but I would NOT be coming over to enjoy with them if he came over, That was MY choice. He actually didn't come over. but it was the principal of the whole thing.

It's been about 6+ years since I have seen him and even longer since I have actually talked to him. I have know expectation of doing either anytime soon!

When I got Married my Dad walked me down the aisle. He was there for me every step of my life. He was my only choice.

Happy Anniversary! and Thank you, Dad for everything !

A year ago

2011-09-23T19:00:00.000-06:00

A year ago I was normal. I could bend and touch my toes. If I dropped something I could easily bend down and grab it. I could easily clean the house, do the laundry, weed, and most things people do around the house. And then everything changed. I couldn't bend, I couldn't do much of anything. I was in pain, I had more questions then I had answers for. Nobody could give me a direct answer.

I spent 2 months frustrated as hell. A horrible day in pain a made sure I got an x-ray. Then an MRI was ordered. finally some kind of answer was given. I was given an option of surgery....was scared and wanted to wait. Waited a few months and was in more pain. went back to Dr's, did Shots in the back, pills and more waiting. Today is the 1 year mark of my injury. The injury that should have been prevented, by someone who just put random boxes of books in my classroom because they didn't want to properly take care of them.

I am still waiting, still waiting for the pain to stop, waiting for my life to move forward. I feel like I can't move forward, can't do what I am supposed to do around the house. So frustrated all the time.

I am hoping that in a year I will not be in pain, hopefully healed and able to do more then I can do now. I want to be in a happy place. want to be able to see and end to all the frustrations!

Happy anniversary of pain!

what's in my head.

2011-09-18T16:07:00.000-06:00

I haven't written in awhile...I have many things in my head to blog about but just haven't had the energy to do it. until today.......

Over the last few weeks my head has been spinning. I go for months at a time where I bottle things up and when I'm at my limit I explode. Last night was one of those explosions. I freaked out over a stupid thing....someone not listening to me. I have fought my whole life for someone to actually be respectful enough of me to give me there full attention and respect and listen to me. I grew up with a big family and had to fight to be heard, when that didn't happen i hid myself away in a hole and didn't come out for a long time. I lived in a Bubble. I knew no one wanted to hear me. so I stayed in my bubble. I tried coming out of my bubble and thought some people actually liked what I said and wanted to hear me. Then I realized people were fake and didn't really want to hear me, they just didn't care. I would return to my bubble. trying to not to get hurt, not to be seen,or heard. it was my way of dealing with pain. I had found someone who liked me and my bubble and watched me come out of it on my own with his hand leading the way. So when I felt like someone wasn't listening to me or giving me the respect I deserve I went back to my bubble, hurt, in pain and wanting to run. to run far away from the pain as possible. it took time for me to calm down and stop hurting to let myself let go of everything I have been holding in. I am sorry for freaking out like I did.

I was hoping to go to see the Surgeon and hopefully he would start me on some sort of direct path of help and less pain, but we took a few steps backwards. He wants another MRI to see if there is more damage then there was a year ago. then he will decide if surgery is the best decision. I have to wait longer... I have already been dealing with this for a year and am at my wits end. I am emotional spent. physically exhausted and mentally broken. I can't handle much more. Even the little simple things don't bring me much pleasure. The meds have deprived me of my beloved Dr. Pepper. I have a constant metal taste in my mouth. I have no appetite, because of meds, stress, no sleep and everything else... have lost about 10 pounds....no sadness there, but fear it will all come back once everything is fixed.

I thought I was ok with seeing pregnant people walking around rubbing their bellies, having the pregnant glow, feeling someone growing inside them...but I'm not. far from it. I'm ok with certain people who understand what I am going through. not people who flaunt it in front of me and then say they understand how I feel. They don't understand....One in particular, They have 2 kids already and are pregnant with there third. They told me they understood how I feel......NO, they don't. They don't understand that I will possibly never feel a child grow inside me, never see my child grow from birth. They don't understand.

I was also told that I already have 2 kids(step-kids) and I should be grateful. I am grateful to be in their lives, to be able to co-parent them. But I have never been able to see them grow from birth and mold them with my values, ideas or culture. I came into their lives with that already molded into them, from their parents. Not me. I would like to have a child who I can give my and my husbands values, ideas and culture to and not have anyone else add there 2 sense in as well. I want to look at my child and see that they have my nose, my husbands lips. My shyness, his sarcasm ... I want a piece of me and him. Together.

All in all I need something to change....whether it's me mentally, emotionally or me physically (baby and/or back) I can't handle anymore. I will take all the prayers, hopes, good thoughts.... joojoo, Karma or anything else that anyone wants to do send my way would be greatly appreciated...maybe someone could find a fertility statue for me or a Buddha belly to rub.

Awkward!

2011-09-06T17:57:00.002-06:00

The other day the hubby and I were eating lunch at a small food place. We were enjoying a nice little outing out. A big group of people walked in to the place and it became very loud and crowded. A few of the people were standing around our table talking and being really loud and obtrusive, we commented on how it was a little awkward being in a conversation without really being in the conversation. I then noticed a lady who looked a bit familiar. I mentioned it quietly that I might know her but wasn't sure.

We finished our lunch and was getting ready to leave. On our way out E went to get a refill on his drink and I was waiting by the door. The husband of the lady I thought I knew asked me what my husbands name was. I was kinda shocked by him asking me, but told him. and he said "oh ya, my wife and his ex had been friends" I said "ok" By this time E had come back and the lady was also part of the conversation. AWKWARD!! They were chatting that the lady and the ex had been friends since they were little kids and blah blah blah.....it was a completely awkward conversation for me.

When we walked out the door the guy said it was nice to meet me. It was nice to meet your wife's friends ex-husbands new wife ??? It was weird enough for me to be in the conversation, wasn't it weird enough for him to meet me?

I'm tired.

2011-08-26T12:51:00.001-06:00

I'm tired. I'm tired all the time. I'm tired of pain, tired of doctors,and no results. Tired of meds, and what they do to my head and body. I'm tired and want things to go back to what they were a year ago...before I was hurt.

A year ago I started back at work. To the place I had loved going for the past 5 years, that year would have been the 6th. I loved the students I interacted with, most of the teachers I worked with and a few staff members. A year ago the spiral to my injury started. The first day of school started and as i walked into my classroom, 3 big box of books were in my room. I found out where they came from. asked when they would be removed and a month later I was injured trying to move them to make room for students. thus began the year of being tired.

During the first weeks of my injury I went to the doctor every week, was put on new meds every time to try to control the pain.when nothing worked I was sent to a new doc. He also did nothing. During the first month I was doing Physical Therapy. I actually really liked going, although it didn't help alleviate my pain. I was sent to a surgeon. he told me surgery would fix it. through my works insurance I was told numerous times that I needed to be conservative about my treatment. which meant do not nothing.

I waited for the next 4 months while I was trying to have a baby. I was put on meds that made my mood go up and down. went to the doctors a few times a week and then had procedures. After the procedures I would have to wait for 2 horrible weeks to see if anything took....nothing every did, I felt like my body didn't want anything to happen. I felt useless, felt less of a woman, felt tired and exhausted. When all procedures were done and nothing more could be done. I thought maybe it was because of the pain I was in that was causing me not to get pregnant. So I called the docs and asked what we could do to help with the pain in my back.

I would go for a consult, 2 weeks later a procedure, 2 weeks go back to see if the procedure worked. this went on for 3 months. When that didn't work I was sent to have a nerve study done. 2 weeks later back for results. during the whole 3 months of 2 weeks on and off of doctor visits I was put on different meds to help with the pain, I was having horrible side effects from them. so I stopped taking them.

I'm tired of PAIN, I'm tired of DOCTORS, I'm tired of MEDS, I'm so tired of everything, I want to go on and live my life without all of the restrictions I have. I want to garden with grimacing in pain, want to do a load of dishes or laundry without grimacing, I want to WALK without pain. I'm tired, so tired of it all. I just need everything to go back to normal...like it was a year ago. I definitely have appreciated the freedom of being independent, since I have to rely on others to help me.

Christian Slater

2011-08-18T23:38:00.005-06:00

Today is Christian Slater's Birthday. I have had a crush on him since I was 16. Every year I have lit a candle for him and sang happy birthday to him. I know..it's a bit weird, but whatever. I even made a cake....ok not for him but I did think of him while I was eating the cake! My wish for him is to have a great year and continue being a great father!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTIAN!!

shock therapy/torture

2011-08-11T13:34:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I had a nerve study done on my leg to see if there is nerve damage from my back injury. It was called a electromyogram or (EMG). I had read about it and kinda knew what was going to happen but had no clue what it was going to feel like.

what my leg feels like...throbbing pain

I was asked to lay on my back. then the dr taped a sensor to my right ankle and started marking my leg with a pen. Then he put the shocky thing on the front part of my foot and started the to shock the front of my foot. it hurt very bad. He moved the sensor to different parts of my ankle and shocked it every time he changed positions. He then moved to the calf and then the thigh. I was holding E's hand the whole time and hoping the torture would stop. NOPE, he did the left leg. then had me turn on my stomach and then did the same torture shock to both left and right sides. I could tell my heart rate had jumped up, it was beating very fast. In the middle of shocking my legs the Doc started talking about the movie Matilda. I was grateful for the break, but then he returned to the study.

He finished the shock stuff. he then said something about a needle. I didn't quite understand and asked if he was going to insert it in to my muscles. he mumble something and started the next part. He would have me squeeze the muscle in the right calf, while I was still on my stomach. I clenched the muscle and he jabbed the needle ( it looked like a acupuncture needle but felt like a sword)into the muscle several times while he had an ultrasound monitor checking the muscle response. he did this on my right and left leg in the calf, thigh and butt. He then asked me to turn over so he could do it on the front of my legs in the ankle, calf and thigh. E said he looke like he was throwing the needle into me. he could barely watch. By the time he was done with all the tests I had a horrible headache, I was shakey and just wanted to cry. He told us good luck and walked out of the room. That was it! We walked out of the room and out of the office.

My right leg hurt more then it had before the nerve study. I just wanted to go home and make the pain of the last hour go away. E said he could barely handle watching it happen to me. I have a bruise on my right thigh and small puncture marks where he jabbed me with the needle. I have to wait for 2 weeks before I get any results from the torture/ nerve test. ugh!

Pain, Drs and stupid people.

2011-07-26T13:45:00.001-06:00

About a year ago I got injured at work. (if you knew where I worked, please DO NOT say where, I am still dealing with things and do not need complications) someone from my jobs work insurance contacted me and "authorized" me to go the DR. I went to the dr every week for the first 6 weeks, trying to figure out why I was in major pain. An x-ray was taken, something was found. An MRI was done and a diagnosis was given......A bulged disk. During this time I had been going to physical therapy. I liked going, liked the exercises but it didn't help my injury.

I was sent to a quack dr by the stupid insurance people about an hour away. I was in more pain after seeing him then before. He had me get dressed in the horrible hospital gowns, and made me do weird movements to see how damaged I was. He even had the exam room door open during the whole time I was doing every dumb thing he asked me to do(I got undressed with the door closed) I felt very uncomfortable, felt like he was talking down to me and made me feel like I was faking the pain I was having. I was very glad to have E with me. He did not diagnose anything, didn't order an x-ray, he only ordered an MRI after I had gone to the first Dr in major pain and requested an x-ray.

After the diagnoses was given, I requested to go to a surgeon closer to me, one who had an awesome reputation and one who had done surgery on my mom. It was a fight to get the stupid insurance people to accept me going to the surgeon.   it took 2 months to get into the new place. By that time it would have been 4 months since the injury. I went to the surgeon and he told me he would be able to either repair or fuse my injury.   I was scared. The stupid insurance people told me that if I opted for surgery that I would need another opinion by one of their preferred surgeons, an hour away.

I was starting fertility treatments and opted to see what would happened with that. nothing came of it, and I was still in pain. I called the surgeon and told them I wanted to try a cortisone shot to see if it would help with the pain.   I was referred to a new Dr...spine specialist. an appt was made. a day before my appt, the stupid insurance people called and said they weren't "authorizing" the shot. I was mad. They told me they needed more info from the Dr before they would authorize it. Seriously?? wtf.   about an hour later the stupid insurance people called and said they got the info and I am now authorized to go to the appt.

They Shot didn't work, so the Dr said another shot and meds might work better together. I am 2 weeks out of the second shot. It also hasn't worked much. The Pain isn't as strong but it's still there. My leg has also been effected by the injury. which has made walking, driving and sleeping really hard to do. I go back to the spine Dr in a few days to see what my options are now.

I am tired of not being able to do normal things. It takes me twice as long to do everything because it hurts to bend, walk, sit, lay or pretty much anything I need to do. I'm frustrated. I was told by the stupid Insurance people that I need to be as conservative as possible in my treatments, was told that my injury will heal, (ummm whatever)have also been given medical advice from the stupid Insurance people even though they are NOT dr's and that I am young and they aren't sure why this happened.

It happened because someone left heavy boxes of books in my room at work. after numerous attempts at asking for them to be removed I had to move them because I needed to make room for more students in detention and WHAM I'm injured. I have been trying to deal with the pain, Dr's, stupid work insurance people and many months of trying to do things around the house that i used to do and now have to ask for help.

Peach Pie!

2011-07-19T13:47:00.001-06:00

Prep Time: 1 Hour

Cook Time: 45 Minutes

Ready In: 1 Hour 45 Minutes

Servings: 8

"Old fashioned peach pie using no eggs, my family's favorite."

Ingredients:

10 fresh peaches, pitted and sliced

1/3 cup all-purpose flour

1 cup white sugar

1/4 cup butter

1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch double crust

pie

Directions:

1.	Mix flour, sugar and butter into crumb stage.
2.	Place one crust in the bottom of a 9 inch pie plate. Line the shell with some sliced peaches. Sprinkle some of the butter mixture on top of the peaches, then put more peaches on top of the the crumb mixture. Continue layering until both the peaches and crumbs are gone.
3.	Top with lattice strips of pie crust.
4.	Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 45 minutes, or until crust is golden. Allow pie to cool before slicing. Best when eaten fresh.

Happy Birthday Gma

2011-07-15T22:49:00.000-06:00

Today is my Grandma's 88th birthday. She has lead such an amazing life. I can't even imagine how many life altering moments she has seen. Tv's that are flat, cell phones you can hide in your pocket, farm land changed to housing hundreds, wars and destruction. I admire her so much. she is so positive and upbeat. She is also the tiniest thing. She always will hug you no matter if you are family or not. She always tells you you are special and that she loves you.

As we were talking about how many people we have in our family and how many new babies will be born in the next few months... my heart ached and I had to hold back the tears. I want to be one of those in our family who is expecting and have my Grandma be excited about it. I want my grandma to hold my child and for her to tell the baby they are loved...by her.

She is spunky and always on the go.I am praying she stays with us for many more amazing years and hopefully she will hold my child!

I love you Grandma!

My Aunt and Grandma

Diane's Almond Joy Cake

2011-07-12T18:37:00.000-06:00

I found this recipe and thought I would share with Y'all.

Diane from Valdosta, GA (pop. 78,262) says:
This one came from needing a cake for church pot luck. Having left over nuts and coconut in the freezer. And I love Chocolate and coconut together. We all loved it. I hope you do too. Now I need to figure out how to change the date on my camera. Looks like I'm still operating in 2008.. LOL

Ingredients

CAKE;

- 1 bx duncan hines coconut supreme cake mix

- 3 lg eggs

- 1 stk butter, melted

- 1 1/3 c milk

- 2 tsp pure vanilla flavor

FROSTING

- 2 c toasted flaked coconut

- 1 1/2 c toasted sliced almonds

- 1 stk soft butter

- 2/3 c cocoa, unsweetened

- 3 c powdered sugar, plus additional if needed

- 1/3 c milk, plus additional if needed

- 1/4 tsp salt

- 2 tsp pure vanilla flavor

Directions

1.......CAKE
2. Mix all cake ingredients in large bowl and beat 2-3 min.
3. Pour into 2 9 inch layer pans and bake in 350* preheated oven for 28 minutes. Remove to wire rack and cool 10 min. Turn out onto wire racks and cool completely.

4.....FROSTING
5. Beat soft butter and cocoa till soft and well combined, add milk and sugar, salt and vanilla. Beat 2 min. till light and fluffy.
6. Add additional sugar if needed 1 T. at a time till spreding consistency. Same with milk if its too thick.
7. In 2 small pans spread your coconut and nuts and stirring often toast to a pretty light brown color. They will need watching as they will burn quickly. I do this as soon as I take my layers from the oven.
8. Place 1 layer on a pretty plate and spread a cup more or less of your frosting. Sprinkle coconut and almonds generously. Most of the coconut and half the almonds. Put next layer and frost top and sides with remaining frosting. Sprinkle coconut around the top edge and along bottom. Sprinkle remaining nuts inside coconut circle on top. Whatever is pleasing to you.

Stitches are out!

2011-07-04T15:47:00.000-06:00

I have never had stitches before...So I had no idea how they felt. I took the first one out and it was ok. The second one hurt a little coming out, but not to bad. The third one the skin had started to grow over the end of the stitch, so when I tried pulling it out it got stuck. it also hurt like crazy....So the hubby had to take it out. the 4th and 5th one also had started to grow over the ends and hurt coming out. So now I have an interesting looking scar. It is still sore and tender but less irritating without the stitches.

5 stitches

4 stitches

3 stitches

2 stitches

1 stitch left!

The End! Nice scar!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA

Drama from trying to dry fruit!

2011-06-29T16:45:00.000-06:00

For my birthday I received a food dehydrator. I was very excited because I love dried fruit. I also love the smell of drying fruit. I had gone on vacation a few days after receiving my food dehydrator, and hadn't had time to use it. I decided to become a little more domesticated. crazy...I know!

I had done a few loads of laundry. I started cleaning the kitchen and noticed some very ripe bananas. I looked up a banana bread recipe and made chocolate chip banana bread. In middle of it cooking I finished cleaning the counter and found some apples...........(light bulb clicking on) I was going to use the dehydrator.    I pulled out some strawberries and pineapple. cut them up and layed them on the tray.

Then I grabbed the apples and cored one of them......thinking the last time I used the corer I cut my thumb. chills went through me and I slowly used the corer. NO damage.   I then grabbed the mandolin slicer. I slowly started to slice the apples. I had perfect slices for the dryer. There was about a 1/4 of the apple left. The food griper couldn't gripe the apple anymore......So I used my hands. ( I know STUPID)

I pushed the apple...it wouldn't go. I pushed a little harder... and then it happened. I cut myself........badly. I had sliced my thumb open. I had the bleeding under control, but it hurt like the dickens. I debated on who to call my Mom or the Hubby. I tried calling my Mom first because I didn't want to bug my Hubby at work. Some how the call didn't go through. So I called the Hubby. he didn't answer. Now what do I do?    I was starting to call my sister when the Hubby called me back. I explained what I did to my thumb. He asked " can you drive yourself to the Dr's." I answered " I don't think I can" I was in shock. My hands were shaking. I was a little nauseous and didn't feel good about driving myself.   So he said "I'm on my way." I felt relieved.   I got up from the stairs and went over to the sink, there was blood all over. I closed up the mandolin, cleaned up the blood and went back to the stairs. Then I realized I had no makeup on.......I went upstairs and put on some mascara while still trying to stop the bleeding. I came back downstairs and waited for the Hubby to come get me.   I also tool pics while I was waiting.

He rushed home, walked in, I showed him my thumb and he said "lets go".   I apologized all the way to the Dr's. I had called the dr's and told them I had cut my thumb and needed it to looked at immediately. they squeezed me in. They took my downstairs where there triage room was (in all the years I have been a patient there I have never been downstairs) The nurse asked me a few questions and then said the Dr will be down in a few. I was nervous, in pain and a bit freaked out.

The Dr came in and started looking at the wound, he said " we can put a few stitches in it) huh what? ok now really panicking. He also asked when my last tetenus shot was....umm when I was 5. he said it would be good to get a DTaP shot. He laid my back, cleaned it with alcohol. (ouch) I motioned to the Hubby to come hold my hand, then the Dr stuck a needle in my thumb. Holy shitmonkeys. It hurt sooooooo bad, I was squeezing the crap out of the Hubby's hand. Then it started to become numb. ok, I was starting to relax a bit. then the Dr tried to put in a stitch at the bottom of the wound, I could feel it. so more meds were jabbed in to my thumb. finally NO pain, just numbness. I watched the doc put in 2 stitches and I started to feel really really hot, then I felt like I needed to throw up. 5 stitches later the doc was done. He took one look at me and could see I wasn't doing good. The nurse went to grab me some juice. I had to lay back for about 10 min before I could sit up. as I was laying down the nurse gave me my DTaP vaccine. I slowly sat up and the Hubby helped me walk up the stairs and to the car. He took me home, made me lunch, gave me some tylenol and helped me relax before he went back to work. I said Sorry about a dozen more times and layed down and fell asleep for awhile......What an exhausting day.

2 days later, my thumb still throbs and itches I also get to take out the stitches in a few days. My arm HURTS like crazy. it's very very sore, swollen, painful to move and feverishly hot. I also started having body aches from side effects from the shot. ugh I don't know whats worse...the stitched up thumb or feverish painfully sore arm.

chocolate chunk-banana bread

2011-06-26T17:54:00.001-06:00

Chocolate Chunk-Banana Bread Mix

total time

1 hr 5 min

prep

10 min

servings

1 loaf or 18 servings

What You Need

Bread Mix

2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

1 cup BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chunks

1/2 cup chopped PLANTERS Walnuts

2 tsp. CALUMET Baking Powder

1/4 tsp. salt

To Bake Bread

2 eggs

1 cup mashed fully ripe

bananas(about 3)

1/3 cup oil

1/4 cup milk

Make It

BREAD MIX: Place Bread Mix ingredients in 1-gal. resealable plastic food storage bag; seal bag. Place bag in disposable 9x5-inch foil loaf pan. Place in decorative gift bag. Store at room temperature until ready to prepare bread or give as a gift.
TO BAKE BREAD: Heat oven to 350°F. Mix eggs, bananas, oil and milk in large bowl until well blended. Add Bread Mix; stir just until moistened. Spray foil loaf pan with cooking spray; fill with batter.
BAKE 55 min. or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely in pan on wire rack. Store tightly wrapped at room temperature.

Kraft Kitchens Tips

For Gift-Giving

Be sure to include a tag with the Bread Mix listing both the additional ingredients needed, and the mixing and baking directions.

Special Extra

Pack the wrapped bread mix with some colorful tea towels for a great hostess gift.

Substitute

Substitute 6 chopped BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate Squares for the 1 cup chocolate chunks.

vacation prt 3

2011-06-11T14:15:00.001-06:00

We spent Monday driving to Virgina to our next stop, which was Williamsburg. By the time we got to out motel, we were exhausted. We went to dinner and just relaxed in our rooms. Tuesday was going to be a long day for all of us.

We got up, headed to breakfast and then to Colonial Williamsburg. We were going to spend 2 days there. I had No concept of what we were going to be seeing or doing. I thought that there was going to be a small town with buildings on a small street and it would be over in a few hours. I didn't understand why it would take 2 days to see everything. WELL, I was soooo wrong. we had to take a shuttle to the middle of the town. As we started walking, I soon realized that it was going to take 2 whole days to see everything. It was a huge town with amazing history.

Governors mansion

cemetery

gardens

The people were dressed in period clothing. it was amazing. we stopped by the armory. Then headed to the stockades. then wondered around the city. we stopped for lunch and headed back out to see more. We went to the governors mansion, saw the gardens, the cemetery, the brick mason's, the cabinet makers and went into a few shops for possible souvenirs. It was a long day and everyone was exhausted.

courthouse

original jail cell

room in courthouse

The next day we came back and went straight to the middle of town. We stopped by the wig makers, the courthouse, the jail (which there is 2 original jail cells still there). We stopped for lunch and got out of the heat for a bit. After lunch we went to some small stores and bought some small souvenirs for the kids. We stopped by a silversmith, a printing press, jewelry maker. We stopped by a kid area where there where games and things for the kids to play with. After about 4-5 hours we were ready to go back to the motel.

Shackles

front of Monticello

Thursday We headed up to Monticello. It was so amazing to see where Thomas Jefferson built his home and lived. its also the picture on the back of a nickel. It was also HOT. It felt like 110 degrees. After being in hot hot weather for 3 days... I was done. I was very happy to get on the road to head for home. It was an amazing historical trip but soooo exhausting!

small kitchen

ice house

the picture on the back of the Nickel

back of Monticello

Where Thomas Jefferson is buried

The rest of the last few days was just relaxing and chilling out with the family. It was a great vacation!

vacation prt 2

2011-06-07T13:27:00.001-06:00

As we had been planning to go on vacation to NC. The In-laws wanted to know if we wanted to go somewhere while we were there. Of course we said yes and the planning began. We planned to go to Kitty Hawk on Sunday and go to the beach and see the Atlantic Ocean. It was a 4 hour drive up the coast to the outer banks of NC. We got settled into out hotel rooms and then off to the beach.

It took my breath away! We spent about an hour just watching the ocean, picking up shells and accidentally dropping my key card in the ocean and trying to pick it up with my phone in hand while a big wave hit. Yeah i was not happy that I might have killed my phone. After a while we went back to change out of our wet clothes and go grab a bite to eat. Then off for some ice cream. yummy!

The next morning the hubby and I took a fast trip to the beach(it was right across from the hotel) then everyone(all of us) headed of to see the Wright Brothers museum. It was absolutely amazing to see all the history behind Aviation. We Hiked up a hill to the massive monument. it was very HOT! We looked around and then headed back down the hill. We definitely got a workout!

vacation prt 1

2011-06-05T10:15:00.026-06:00

I went on vacation to North Carolina.   The trip there was ok. a few minor bumps and delays....but we made it there safe. I packed a few snacks for the kids for the plane ride there. 2 small boxes of cereal, fruit snacks, cheese and pretzels. When it was time for the drinks to be handed out I told the kids to get milk. we used the milk and an empty cup with the cereal......what a life safer. Kids weren't as hungry and it was better then snacking all morning. We were sitting in the very back of the plane, my seat had no window. it kinda bummed me out. I had noticed the person in front of me was reading a few magazines, when she was done with one of them she put it against the window and herself.
I thought to myself....maybe if I slowly grab it I can wiggle it out from her and read it.   Well when the drink cart came by she moved to get her drink and the magazine fell into my lap....literally! I didn't have to sneak it. I read it and got some great ideas for crafts and such. I wasn't sure how to give it back to her...so I kept it..(NOW don't freak out...she took it from a dentist office so it was kinda fair game)

The next day E and I headed off to Virginia to surprise my niece at her graduation. it was a lot of fun to see her face when she saw us. We went to dinner after the graduation with my 2 sisters and brother who where all there for the graduation. It was fun to all be on the East Coast with my family.
We stayed over and drove back to NC in the morning. It was a long drive but very well worth seeing my nieces and nephew.

The next few days we lounged around the house. kids played in the pool and I tried to not be in pain with my back. E and I went to a flea market on Saturday. We had started to look at a few vendors and I eyed a big bowie knife.   I took it out of the sheath and joked with E about taking it back on the plane. As I was sliding it back into the sheath the tip came out on the side a cut my hand. I was kinda in shock about what just happened. I went to the bathroom and washed it out.and grabbed some paper towels to stop the bleeding. it hurt like the dickens. We found someone who had a band aid and finished walking around in the scorching hot and humid air.

Rule #1....Do not play with sharp objects, You will get hurt!

Rule # 2...stay out of the heat and stayed hydrated.

Rule #3....wish really hard and things will fall into your lap

what a crazy few first days on vacation!

Pani Popo or coconut rolls!

2011-05-30T22:26:00.000-06:00

Ingredients:

* 1 Bag Frozen Dinner Rolls
* 1 Can Coconut Milk
* 1 Can of Water
* 1 Cup Sugar
* 2 Tablespoons Cornstarch

Follow directions for frozen dinner rolls. Let rolls rise in a 13" X 9" cake pan. In a quart sauce pan, mix coconut milk, water and sugar. In a small bowl, mix corn starch and a few tablespoons of cold water till all clumps are gone. Bring the coconut sauce to a boil then add the cornstarch mixture. Simmer for about 3 minutes (sauce will thicken a little), then remove sauce from heat. Bake rolls. After 10 minutes take out rolls and pour the coconut sauce over the rolls till 1/2 to 3/4 of each bun is covered in sauce. Put the rolls back in the oven and continue baking the rolls with the sauce until the tops of the rolls are golden brown. Remove pan and allow a few minutes to cool. Serve warm.

Left over sauce can be used to smother rolls when served individually or for a second pan of Pani Popo

Substitutes: You can use any dinner roll recipe instead of the bag of frozen rolls. However, if you have never made bread before, you'll find the frozen rolls are very easy in comparison.

Enjoy!

Me

2011-05-28T13:53:00.001-06:00

I use this blog as an outlet for ME. it's kinda like a diary. I have bad days and need to vent......... I have good days and need to share. Someone told me that i'm always complaining on here and need to be on meds. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. Don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes, felt what is in my heart and seen what I see. This is the only way I know how to let go of my frustrations and not let them be bottled up inside me to fester and boil and then one day it will explode.

So if you don't want to read what I have to say then stop reading. My blog isn't always about sunshine and roses and I'm ok with that. I'm also ok with complaining and letting out my words of frustration.
No one has good days ALL the time. There is much emotion in the world...Sorry If I'm not happy all the time. Sorry if my moments of happiness are not shown on here more often. it's who I am and I'm not going to change.

My sucky birthday

2011-05-26T15:06:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was my birthday. It was dull and boring. E had to work until about 6ish, so I didn't see him all day. My niece was graduating at 6. so E and I made plans to go to dinner after the ceremony....Well, as I'm sitting with my sisters and mom waiting for E to meet me at the graduation place...I am sitting on the end of the aisle waiting and getting ignored by everyone in my family. WHATEVER!    when E finally showed up I felt a little more relaxed and but still not included.

After the 2 hour long ceremony, the family told us we were leaving....so E and I were on the end and started the procession.....or so we thought. somehow, somewhere the rest of the family decided to actually stay where they were because one of my sisters went a different way....And no one came to find us, or text us to tell us where they were.   We stood outside the entrance doors for about 10 min. thinking they would come out. nope. We walked back inside and still couldn't see them. So we thought that maybe they had gone outside. We walked outside and wandered around looking for them.   Still nothing. about 20 min after we left our seats my sister FINALLY called me and told me they were. We were no where near them. We started to back track and still couldn't find them. so after another 10 min, My sister called again and tried to direct us to them.   trying to find them in a crowd of 3-4 hundred isn't easy....especially when they are in the farthest place away from the entrance.

By this time I am very upset about no one trying to find us sooner. letting us leave when they stayed in their seats and ignoring me. I was fed up. I really didn't want to talk to them...but I needed to go see my niece, who was the only reason we were there. We finally found them. When we walked over to them, no one came over and said sorry, No one even came over to us. I was done! We hugged my niece and said goodbye to everyone.   What a great way to spend my birthday!!

I was so frustrated and sad, I really wanted to cancel the family gathering we had planned for the next day, but if I did that it would be worse.

Why does my family treat me like that? Not caring, not even noticing I'm not around.   It sucks. I have fought for sooo long to understand why they treat me like a friend instead of a family member. I'm almost to the point where I don't want to talk to them or be around them....ever.


Happy Birthday to me!

So my birthday sucked.....it sucked big time. I woke up hoping it would be a good day! but it turned out to suck. Happy birthday to me. UGH. The only good thing that came out of all of it was that I got to spend a little time with E. and he gave me an adorable hat. So hoping next year is better...maybe I won't have a birthday. I'll just sleep through the entire day! one can wish!

A crappy week.

2011-05-22T18:44:00.001-06:00

The last week or two has been really crappy. Everything the kids did bugged me or pissed me off. The hubby's manager doesn't really care about the scheduling of people who have kids so E had to work closing shifts pretty much the whole week. which really sucked because the 11 yr old was caught cheating on a quiz. and I was the only one disciplining or even talking to her about it. By the time E finally talked to her about it, it was a week after. Her punishment was finished and I was still the bad guy.

My back has been hurting a lot lately. More then it has been in a month or 2. I am in the process of fighting over getting a spinal block to help with the pain. I need relief from it. I need to be able to do what I normally used to do. I can't even weed for longer then 10 min. and it SUCKS. I hate being in pain every day. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. I don't sleep from the pain and I don't want to take pills all the time. I don't want to rely on them. I just need the pain to go away. if the spinal block doesn't help...then I will be having surgery to fix the problem.

I am in desperate need of a vacation... Which will happen in a few weeks.....I am hoping I can last that long, I'm hoping I will feel relaxed and peacefulness which I very much need. I just need to sit in the sand and watch the ocean, listen to the peaceful waves. and just meditate....even if its raining I need to sit.

My Birthday is in a few days and I keep debating on whether or not I should have family over for cake and ice cream or just forget about it altogether. I used to love my Birthdays, used love being the center of attention, even if it was for one day. Lately I have been dreading it. Just thinking about getting older is really freaking me out. The thought of growing older and never having kids scares the HELL out of me. I am praying and hoping that a miracle happens and I will have a beautiful baby someday.

There are days that I just want to throw in the towel and jump into oblivion. Then there are other days when I need to have someone hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I really just need the universe to help me see a glimpse of the happiness that could be possible for me.

ugh!

Renee's Naturals-therapy for your skin.

2011-05-12T12:58:00.000-06:00

How many of you like yummy smelling natural organic skin care.....like soaps, lotions, body butter and lip balm?? I have found a great online store who has the most yummy smelling stuff. Its called Renee's Naturals-therapy for your skin.

She has fabulous things! I have a few soaps that smell sooo good that I haven't used it as soap...I use it as an air freshener in the bathroom. I haven't tried the lotion but, if the soap is as yummy, then so should the lotion. In my order, I received a few small samples of different soaps. the smell so good! I also received a lip balm. It was chocolate mint.....I absolutely love it!

If you LOVE handmade natural soap…you wont be disappointed! If you are new to the world of natural skin care…you will be pleasantly surprised at how creamy, luxurious, and moisturizing natural soap can feel!
What we leave out of our soap is as important as what we put in our soap! NO parabens, NO petrochemicals, NO alcohol, NO phthalates, NO artificial colors or dyes, NO NEED!

Our skin loving and body friendly soap is full of Coconut milk, unrefined Shea butter, certified organic Olive, sustainable Palm, sunflower and Coconut oils, botanica s for color, interest and exfoliation and pure essential oils (EO). You are going to love the way natural feels! Enjoy!

For quantity discounts 3 for 15.00 or 6 for 28.00 search my store

** we do offer a few soaps that contain fragrance oil (FO). While these are a synthetic, I only offer FO’s that are phthalate free and naturally derived. They will clearly be marked with an * the choice is yours

Renee's Naturals

Birthday snooping!

2011-05-11T15:13:00.001-06:00

The other day E told me that if a package came in the mail to not open it. My first thought was why would I open a package for him. Then I realized my birthday is in a few weeks and he has bought stuff already. I told him I would never ruin a surprise....especially for my birthday.

I am one of those people that absolutely loves surprises. I love opening gifts for Christmas and birthdays and what ever little holiday deserves a gift, which is all of the right?? I have only peaked once in my whole entire life. I think I was 8. All the siblings knew where my mom kept the Christmas presents so we all took turns watching for her and peaking. When it was my turn I saw this cute little stuffed puppy that I knew was for my sister. Well on Christmas morning there sat the cute little stuffed puppy with MY name on it. It had been for me! I was a little sad at the thought that I ruined my own Christmas because I peaked and I never peaked again.

I think peaking or snooping defeats the purpose of gift giving. Someone took there time to find the perfect gift for you and then you go and peak and snoop to find out what it is. rude! My younger sister snoops at every present that is wrapped under the Christmas tree. From the time the first one appears under the tree to Christmas eve, She peaks, snoops, shakes every present...even if it's not hers. We have told her if she continues she won't get anymore presents...ya right. The funny thing is she won't put any presents under her tree for her kids until Christmas Eve. I wonder why??

If any packages come for me in the next few days then I will NOT be opening them...even if it says to open it. Even if it's a card. I will not open it...at least not until my birthday!!( it starts at midnight right?)

So honey, you may order anything you want from a big present to a little present (although I prefer the big ones) and I won't open it. I promise!!

I hate Mothers Day

2011-05-09T14:06:00.000-06:00

I really don't like Mothers day and have really come to hate it. It's a holiday to celebrate being a mother. What if you can't be a mother? What if you have tried and it won't happen for you. Are you supposed to celebrate trying?? No.

People assume that because your a woman of birthing age, that you are a mom. It doesn't always work like that. Just because you have had a child does not mean you are a mother. You have to actually parent and raise the child, Not pawn it off to someone else or just not care about the child. Being a Mom is special. You get to feel the child growing inside you or you get to see the child come into this world and be there for every moment on. Some Mom's get there children at a later age and still have the special bond.

Do step-Mom's count? I guess some do and some don't. I have been told on a few occasions that I'm not a mother "JUST" a step-mom. So I guess that means it doesn't count for me. So I guess I'm just a glorified babysitter/housekeeper with benefits.

I have also been compared to a family members step-mom who takes the Wicked Step-mom role to the max. This person has made her step-kids lives a living hell. They have had to do her laundry, clean every inch of the house including her bathroom, and if this wasn't done the kids would be severely punished. They also call the step-mom, Mom and their real mom by her first name(She has made them do this) if they don't call her mom the get in trouble. The wicked Step-mom has made life unbearable for the kids.

Am I like that? NO, I have given rules to my husbands kids, they have chores....feeding the pets and cleaning their rooms. They call me by name and their mother by mom. Which is how it should be. I am in NO way like the Wicked Step-mom. I have given boundaries to kids who didn't have them before I came into the picture, if that makes me like the wicked step-mom then I guess I am.

I honestly don't know if I will ever have kids. I can't even fathom it. Somewhere in the back of my heart, I know I am supposed to have kids. it just hasn't happened. So until I do have kids of my own, I will only give a token of gratitude to my mother and Mothers Day will not be a holiday I celebrate.

My Weekend

2011-05-05T14:06:00.008-06:00

The weekend was fabulous. It started out with seeing "Fast Five". I have been waiting to see that for almost a year.

Then it was off to Colorado to see my brother marry the woman of his dreams. They were actually high school sweethearts and lived seperate lives until a few yrs ago. It was a fabulous time. Laughing our guts out until we cried and our stomachs hurt. It was a much needed stress relief weekend....minus the frustration of getting off the plane, finding the car rental place and meeting my brother.

ok let me go back....My parents, 2 sisters and there daughters and E and myself flew to Colorado. My Mom is an anxious flyer as well as one of my sisters. It was an interesting flight for sure. It was worse on the way back. we barely made it on the flight back and my Mom was panicking the whole time...stressing the rest of us out.

We came home and relaxed a bit. E was home for the week and I put him to work. We started to redo the back ugly garden....it is now half way done. Hoping to be done with it soon. We also went to see "Fast Five" on the Imax screen. LOVES IT! now for the dreaded weekend. ugh!

Free food!

2011-04-25T14:12:00.001-06:00

What is a free meal worth? I know I said free meal...but does it have it's price?

I was texted early Saturday morning with a request for a meal on the parents with my sisters and their family's.   I went into a panic mode....do I go and get ignored like usual, do I go and feel like I shouldn't have gone? or do I not go and feel guilty for staying home.

I wasn't sure E could get off in time from work to go, if he wasn't with me I wouldn't go, period end of story. But he had overtime and could possibly be able to come. I texted back that we weren't sure if we were coming. Anxiety set in and I went through every scenario that could possibly happen if I did go and then i went through every scenario if I didn't go. By 4:30 I was super anxious about everything. Dinner was at 5:30. E still wasn't sure if he would be off in time and I definitely did not want to go without him.   E finally told me that he would be off by 5:30...so I texted a reply to the parents that we would be coming.

In my family there is 2 time zones....First, there is 15 min early.....for things like going out to dinner with the WHOLE family, going to events(graduation, weddings, receptions) Second there is 20 min late. for things like Birthday parties, BBQ's, graduations, weddings and receptions. Yes, I mentioned graduations, wedding and receptions both times. It basically depends on the mood of each person, the time of day, the day itself and blah blah blah. I like to be a few minutes early. I hate being late and get upset if i am more then 5 min late. My family could care less if they are early or late and doesn't care who it will effect..

So for this dinner I was going to try and wait for E to get there, I wanted to walk in with him. So I left about 5:17 to get the the restaurant. Which would make me get there right at 5:30. My parents called me right as I was walking out the door asking me when I would be there...I told them I was just walking out the door with the kids in hand. I could hear the back ground noise...they were at the restaurant already. SO this was a 15 min early time zone. ugh

When I got to the restaurant E was also pulling in. We walked in together and found where everyone else was at. They were already eating. We went and grabbed our food and sat down. Conversation seemed to be flowing ok. The tables next to us had a big group of Polynesians, they had a adorable 4 month old baby with them. the whole time at dinner everyone kept watching them and especially the baby. They kept oohing and awing about the baby.

THEN, my mom who is sitting directly in front of me said "ooh come on so & so(enter sisters name) hurry up and have another one". meaning have another cute baby because apparently she is the only one in the fandamily that can have a baby. (serious rolling of the eye sarcasm) Really??? You are really going to say that to me when I am struggling feverishly to get pregnant. I soo wanted to get up and leave.

I knew some how my family wouldn't disappoint in there normal behavior towards me. I guess I have no feelings and am a robot. A Robot who can't get pregnant, is ignored at most family functions, is asked to partake of food that am allergic to.

Really how much is a free meal worth?

Panic at the Dr's

2011-04-18T22:48:00.002-06:00

I had a yucky procedure called a HSG not to be confused with HCG. It's a test to see how your uterus is positioned and to see if your tubes are blocked.   It's a pretty uncomfortable procedure to say the least. I wasn't nervous about it until that morning, then I started to kind of panic. We got to the clinic 15 min early. I was so nervous I made E drive around for a bit.   I was on the verge of tears the whole time because I was scared about what they could possible find, a blocked tube, a messed up uterus, and anything else my crazy imagination could make up.(alien life form eating my insides)

We went back to the clinic and did the usual paper work. Then they took me back to change. I had to wear the ugly hospital gown. I felt weird being half naked in a waiting room with people walking around. They did give me a blanket to wrap around myself. I waited for another 15 min. My nerves were freaked out. When they finally came to get me I was shaking. They told me that E had to stay in the waiting room because the procedure room was small. Whatever! I wanted him with me. So I told them I needed him to be there with me. The said it was fine for him to come with me.

We went into the room and had the nurse explain where I would be, then a technician came in and said E couldn't be in the room with me. ummmmm WHAT! I was already nervous and now they wanted to take away the only person that calms me down.   I kept telling them I was nervous and scared and really wanted E with me. They weren't sure if he could stay with me. They finally got permission from the Dr that he could stay.   I was a little less freaked out. Then they made him wear a lead skirt thingy and a vest.

Then they told us that he would have to stand by the wall away from where I was going to be laying down. SAY WHAT! I told them I really need him to hold my hand. My freakout level jumped 20 paces. I was more freaked out then I was 20 min before.   They finally figured out where E would stand so he could be next to me. my nerves were on edge. I got on the table and wrapped the blanket over me and prayed everything would be ok.

The Dr came in and told me what was going to happen. I was finally starting to calm down. Well Sorta, First your exposed from the waist down....ok you have a blanket on top of you but you feel exposed. Then the Dr inserts the speculum and starts. Ugh.( turn away now if you don't want to hear the details) he inserts a catheter into the cervix, blows up a small balloon inside the uterus and shoots a die contrast through the uterus and it flows out the tubes. This causes severe cramping, pain, and uncomfortableness. OUCH

We looked at the monitors at the images. The nurse lady was kinda new and wasn't sure which way to move the imaging machine... (Hello, I'm in pain could you please hurry up). The pictures were taken and the Dr explained where everything was and it showed that everything looked good. No abnormalities, No blocked tubes, everything looked ok. I was relieved. The Dr finally took out everything and asked if I had any questions. I had more questions now then I had before.....but he couldn't answer them.I don't know if anyone can answer my questions. I still have no answer as to why I can't get pregnant. No understanding as to why nothing has worked for us.

(not my images)

I walked very quickly to the bathroom and changed. Finally I was covered. I was hurting badly but It was over. We left and I started to tear up. I had had so much tension and anxiety from everything that I was crying. I just need to go home and lay down. Well, first we grabbed breakfast then went home.

We still have to wait for my other Dr to talk to us about the results but, I'm glad there wasn't anything really wrong with me, other then me almost hurting a technician and a nurse for trying to make me do the procedure without E holding my hand. Holy Bananas!!

I just want...

2011-04-12T18:10:00.001-06:00

I'm sad today. Sad that I can't get pregnant, sad that I know at least 5 people pregnant and 2 more who had their babies in the last month. I just don't understand why anymore. I have been trying to have a baby for 3 + years and it sucks to see people get pregnant at the mere mention of a baby.

I have tried having faith and hope. I have tried prayers and blessings. I tried Dr's, Meds, timing things, trying not to stress to much, eating healthy foods but, nothing has happened. My biggest fear is that I will never have kids, never know the joy of watching by belly grow and feeling that special little person grow inside me. Then never being able to watch this little person grow to be an amazing person.

I want to cry all the time. Want to stay in bed and never leave. I hate pregnant people.

I have heard people tell me to stop trying so hard and it will happen......NO it won't. They just don't understand. Most people who have kids will never understand what it's like for the us, the people who can't get pregnant. I have heard a lot of pregnant woman complain about having morning sickness, aches and pains, feeling like a whale hating being pregnant......I would take away there pain and suffering in a heartbeat if I could get pregnant.

It hurts me to see woman not taking care of there children. Pawn them off on to someone else and go to clubs, out to party's and not once think of their children. It makes me want to punch these people, to give them a piece of my mind. Do they not understand that many woman would do anything for a child. I wish they would just stop complaining and be thankful they can get pregnant without drugs, doctors and procedures.

I JUST WANT TO BE PREGNANT!!

Invitation protocol!

2011-04-06T15:56:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had an invitation to a bridal shower, baby shower or some kind of party when they only give you a few days notice?? Do people think that nobody has lives or plans and when some sort of invitation comes you have to drop EVERYTHING and go.

Have you ever NOT been invited to something? like a baby shower, bridal shower, wedding?? Even when it's been an extended family member's event or a really good friends event?

In the last four months I have NOT been invited to a cousins bridal shower and wedding......and 2 baby showers for 2 different cousins. Everyone else in my family received invites, but me. WTH. I don't understand it. I have been asked if I was going to these such events a few days - to hours before the event. OOH yes I will drop whatever I have going on and go to the celebration that I wasn't invited to. I have said NO I am not going and I knew nothing about the event.

Has there been some kind of memo that has been sent around to the extended family to shun me? I honestly don't get it. If you are inviting people to an event (baby shower, bridal shower, wedding or birthday party) Give them more then a few days notice. What if someone has kids? they need to find a babysitter, a gift, and something to wear.

No I'm not bitter, I just don't understand the protocol of how long of a wait you give people for an event. I just don't understand why people have a party or celebration and only give people a few days to know about it.

Why do people argue??

2011-04-04T14:35:00.000-06:00

Why do people argue?   Please tell me why?   I HATE arguing with people, big or small, younger or old. What purpose does it have?

You argue to prove a point or to make someone know they are wrong and you are right.    What if they aren't right?

At work I used to argue all the time with kids about why they were late to class.....their argument back was always an excuse of some sort. My locker was jammed, I had to go to the bathroom, someone took my pencil and blah blah blah. I would have kids argue that because they had an excuse that I should give them a break. If I did that then no one would be in trouble and everybody would be late to class.   I learned pretty early on that I took no excuses to heart unless it was a note from a teacher or the administration.

I even had a parent keep their child home for longer because she was hemming the students pants. WTH!    Do parents have any idea how moronic that there excuses can also be. NO wonder kids excpect to have everything handed to them with an argument in hand.

I would get such random calls from parents arguing with me over their student being late because it was the PARENTS fault.    I hated arguing with them, they always thought they were right and screw the policy.   I would also have those same parents hang-up with me and call the admin to plead about their student. Most times the admin would give in to the parent and screw the policy Again.

I got so fed up with the arguments I would stop answering phone calls, stop listening to anyone arguing with me. I needed to have my world stop spinning about what's wrong with everyone arguing over nothing, what excuses people had and why they thought they were always right.

Since leaving my job, I have had 85% of the arguments stop. I still have 15%, but I can control that a lot more then I used to be able to. I have found that less arguing and more listening actually helps most situations. SO if everyone would listen more, stop making excuses and not have to be right ALL THE TIME the world would be soooo much better.

Faith

2011-03-25T11:43:00.000-06:00

Its been a week since I left my job. I cleaned and rearranged things in cupboards, did loads of laundry and didn't yell, scream or get mad at the kids. It was soooooo nice to not have stress and be angry and mad at the little things the kids did. I think the kids have noticed the change in me. It feels awesome to not be so frustrated at life.

I read an article about Faith, from Richard C Edgley from a conference talk "Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism". I haven't been choosing faith through everything i am going through. I have chosen fear, frustration, being scared, wanting to run and not deal with things. This article opened my eyes to see that I need to have faith and not fear. have faith that things will work out. have faith that there is a plan out there for me and if I truly give in to that faith that everything will work out in the end.

I know that leaving my job was truly the best thing for ME. I know we will have hardships and be on a very tight budget, but my if I have faith it will be ok. As i sit here watching snow fall peacefully and listening to Josh Groban, I think what a wonderful place I live in that I can actually enjoy the peace and serenity of everything around me.

last day drama!

2011-03-18T11:02:00.001-06:00

Today is my last day at work. I have been at the job for almost 6 years. Some days where good. A lot where crappy and some just plain sucked!!    I didn't want to tell anyone I was leaving until today, but the boss had other plans and everybody in the office found out through the lovely Grapevine of gossip.

I didn't want any fanfare, nothing special for me. I just wanted to work my last day and quietly walk out. It wasn't going to happen. One of the ladies in the office called me on Tuesday right before work was over. She told me that they were going to do a goodbye luncheon(something that I didn't want or ask for) I told her I really didn't want to do anything, BUT she insisted. She asked me what type of food I want, she gave me a few choices and I reluctantly chose one.   She sent out an email for all the gossip ladies to know what she planned and for them to give her their orders.    The next day a new email was sent out to the group and a new place was chosen. UMMMM I thought that because it was my goodbye luncheon that I was supposed to choose... Guess not.

So the lady who started this, kept asking me what I wanted from the place she chose. I really wasn't in the mood for anything so I kept telling her that, then she started arguing with me over me choosing the place.   I told her I had wanted the other place. She turned around and mumbled "I can't win for losing with you".

First, I didn't want anything.
Second, I didn't ask for it.
Third, I chose the place I wanted and YOU Changed it.

AND FOURTH.   I DIDN'T WANT IT!!

And this is why TODAY is my last day!

Pen-Pal Postcard Exchange

2011-03-17T18:02:00.000-06:00

Last year I was reading about doing a postcard pen-pal. I thought it would be a lot of fun and I would get postcards from around the world....SO I joined.....I bought a gazillion post cards and stamps and was ready to roll. I wrote all my post cards to the people who i was assigned to and sent them away. I was excited to get postcards from Australia, Philippines. Great Britain and a few from the states. I had sent out 9 in all. I only received 4. I was a little sad that either the mail had lost my other post-cards or the people assigned to me didn't send them.

I was wondering if anybody would actually like to start a pen-pal postcard exchange??? I'm mean who doesn't like getting mail.You get to get a little card from a random person and you get to write back to them.
If you are interested email me and I will see how many others also want to join. if I get a big response then I will divide the people up, if not a lot respond then we will have a small group to send to.

SO WHO WANTS TO BE APART OF A PEN-PAL POSTCARD EXCHANGE???? You know it will be fun!! just email me and we will go from there!!

Change is good!

2011-03-15T12:01:00.000-06:00

I need a change...If I can't have something change then I will loose my mind.   SOOOOOOO, I talked to my boss last week and told him that I need to give my 2 week notice. He took it pretty well, He was bummed I was leaving, but he understood.

I was hoping to not have anyone notice that I had disappeared. I was trying to leave with out any commotion or upheavel....WRONG.   Today my boss started telling everyone that I was leaving. ok, he really only told one person and then everyone knew. Ya that's one of the reasons I'm leaving....I can't stand 2-faced people. Which Most of the "office"people are. They are mean and rude and only like you when it suits them.   WHATEVER!! it will be sad to not be able to talk to some people everyday, but it will be nice to not deal with the stress of work and the crap that goes with it!

I'm also looking forward to spending time with the kids. I need to learn patience with them. I'm also looking forward to gardening...I sort tried last yr but didn't have the time or energy to do it.   This year I am going to try and be a good girl and have a beautiful garden.I also want to plant a vegetable garden and fruit trees!

I need a change and this is a good change for me. I will be able to de-stress from everything that is happening in my life. Be able to meditate, exercise and breathe, without feeling like I am going to go over the deep end. It will be better.

Five Minute Ice Cream

2011-03-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

Prep Time:

5 Min

Ready In:
5 Min

Ingredients

1 (10 ounce) package frozen sliced strawberries or any other frozen fruit.
1/2 cup sugar
2/3 cup heavy cream

Directions

Combine the frozen strawberries and sugar in a food processor or blender. Process until the fruit is roughly chopped. With the processor running, slowly pour in the heavy cream until fully incorporated. Serve immediately, or freeze for up to one week.

Chocolate Eclairs

2011-03-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

Prep Time:
15 Min

Ready In:
15 Min

Ingredients

2 individual packages graham crackers
2 (3 ounce) packages instant vanilla pudding mix
3 cups milk
1 (8 ounce) container frozen whipped topping, thawed
1 (16 ounce) package prepared chocolate frosting

Directions

Line the bottom of a 9x13-inch pan with graham crackers. In a large bowl, combine pudding mix and milk. Stir well. Stir in whipped topping to pudding mixture. Spread half of mixture over graham cracker layer. Top with another layer of graham crackers and the remaining pudding. Top all with a final layer of graham crackers and frost with chocolate frosting. Refrigerate until serving.

Why does God hate me....pt2

2011-03-08T13:11:00.002-07:00

I have had people give me advice about me not getting pregnant like,"What am I to learn from this experience? "People who don't deserve to be pregnant and who won't be able to properly take care of a child, so why do they have kids", "Everything happens for a reason". "God must have some reasons for allowing things to happen and for allowing things not to happen."

I have heard many many times that god will not give you more then you can handle. If this is true, then why is it that I pray and beg and need to understand why things aren't working out. I Honestly CAN'T handle anymore. There is so much going on in my life that are very overwhelming the pregnancy thing, hating my job, A family secret, my husband going back to work. Even little things overwhelm me to the point of me freaking out and getting mad and frustrated.

Over the last few weeks I have been really sad, angery, and exhausted, almost too sad. I come home from working with kids who have no respect for anyone and I have so much frustration, anger and animosity towards everyone because of it. I go to my room and lay on the bed and fall asleep or don't want to deal with anything. I am mentally exhausted...emotionally broken and physically unable to care about anything.

Something needs to change, Somewhere in the world there is a God, and he needs to let me know somehow, that my pain and anguish is worth it. Worth hating my body, hating my disease, hating my job, hating everything. Why does he hate me? Why does he give me more then I can handle. I can't handle anymore. I can't be strong anymore. I'm weak and exhausted and is ready to give up.

Why does God hate me.

2011-03-04T12:47:00.000-07:00

I really hate pregnant people.   I hate that they are pregnant.   It makes me very sad and depressed to see people with newborns.    I have had 3 co-workers in the last 2 weeks have their babies. There is also 2 more co-workers who are due in May.

Why can't I be pregnant....Why do I have a disease that makes it hard for me to get pregnant. it's not fair. I hate myself, I hate my body for not allowing me to get pregnant.   It makes life unbearable most days.   It's the one thing I want the most in life and can't get it.   WHY?? Why does God not want me to be a mom?   Why does God punish me? Have I done such horrible things in the past to make him hate me. I just don't understand.

I wish I could see the future and see if i am ever going to have a baby, then I wouldn't be so sad and depressed anymore.   Or maybe I would see that it will never happen.
I just want to know!

Weeknight Cheese Quiche

2011-03-02T08:20:00.001-07:00

prep time

15 min

total time

1 hr 5 min

makes

6 servings

What You Need

1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms

1 onion, chopped

1 pkg. (10 oz.) frozen chopped spinach, thawed, drained

4 eggs

1/3 cup milk

1/3 cup MIRACLE WHIP Dressing

1 cup KRAFT Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

1 frozen pie crust (9 inch), thawed

1/4 cup OSCAR MAYER Real Bacon Bits

Make It

HEAT oven to 375°F.
COOK mushrooms and onions in large nonstick skillet sprayed with cooking spray on medium-high heat 5 min. or until crisp-tender. Remove from heat; stir in spinach.
BEAT eggs, milk and dressing in medium bowl with whisk until well blended. Add spinach mixture and cheese; pour into crust. Top with bacon.
BAKE 50 min. or until center is set and top is golden brown.

If you don't like mushrooms then add sausage, pepperoni, or bacon or anything else you think sounds good!

Giveaway!

2011-02-22T15:03:00.002-07:00

I found a new blog "Dear Crissy" that wants you to win a 5 quart mixer~ seriously amazing.

You all need to go and enter ASAP. the giveaway ends 3/7 so hurry!

Enter to win a <a href="http://dearcrissy.com/kenmore-elite-stand-mixer">Kenmore Elite Stand Mixer</a> on <a href="http://dearcrissy.com" alt="mom blog">Dear Crissy!</a>

Women need a "Woman Cave"

2011-02-22T12:24:00.001-07:00

Why is it that men get Man caves, offices and garage/workshops and women get...the Kitchen or maybe the garden?

Really, we get the kitchen.   How come we can't have our own space?   A woman's retreat room.   Where we can relax and get away from everything that is happening in the house. A place where we don't have to share with the husband.   We have to share every room in the house, but, his office,his man cave and his workshop.

Yes, we like to work in the garden but it's not always a relaxing thing to do. We have to pull weeds, plant flowers, smash bugs. We want to relax and calm ourselves from wanting to smack every kid in the house...even the ones that aren't yours. We don't want to share anymore spaces.

The kitchen is a shared space....Yes, we use it BUT, it is not our sanctuary. It's probably the place we dread most. We have to cook clean and do the dishes in that room. Do you really want us to relax in a room that has knives and a means of burning things?? We use the family room to visit with friends(sharing), use the living room to watch tv, play games and be together as a family (sharing). We use the laundry room to wash ALL clothes(still Sharing). We even have to share the bedroom and closet space.   Our cars aren't even our own, we have to share that too.

Woman need a Woman Cave!!    Fight for it ladies!   Fight for your space!

ugh

2011-02-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

I've been having a really hard time with life lately. I've noticed i'm not happy.   I don't like my job as much as i used to. I hate the clicks in the office, hate how I don't feel like I belong anymore.   I have been pondering about quitting in the summer. But, If money is an issue then I guess I have to work.

I have been upset and frustrated about not getting pregnant. It makes me sick that teenager girls can get pregnant at the drop of a hat and I can't, even after help from a specialist.   I'm at a loss as to what to do or think. I have always wanted to be a mom...not just a step-mom.   A real Mom. I want to feel a child grow inside me, want to feel all the good and bad that goes along with pregnancy.

I'm just sad all the time. Maybe it's seasonal depression...who knows.   I just hate feeling like this. but, I don't know how to make it better......not even Dr. Pepper helps much anymore.

Maybe I need a vacation, a vacation far away from everything that is happening in my life. I think I need to go to an island somewhere and clear my mind of everything!

sadness

2011-02-11T14:09:00.000-07:00

On Feb1st my sweet aunt passed away. It was a very hard and emotional few days before the funeral.
it was a very sweet ceremony. She had numerous family and friends who loved her dearly!

She will be missed terrible!

sadness

2011-02-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

My sweet Aunt passed away on Feb 1. Although it was sad to hear here that she had passed away, it was good that she wasn't in pain and suffering. She had had ovarian cancer, and fought a long hard 5 year battle.

She will be truly missed. My heart goes out to her children and their families. I was impressed with how well they were doing. I know they have been preparing for a while, but it is still very hard to go through.

My grandma did amazingly. She will be 88 years young in July. A lot of people thought she would be taking it very hard. She was incredibly strong.

I had a hard time with her passing. I knew her time was coming to an end. She had an amazing family and extended family. The Love in the church was enormous! it shows what an great impact she had on a lot of people.

Love you Aunt D.

life and death 2

2011-01-31T12:50:00.000-07:00

My Aunt is very sick and doesn't have much time left in this world.   I have known for a few weeks that her time was limited. Even knowing that, I am still having a hard time understanding life and death.

I am wanting to create a life and bring it into this world. To teach and nurture my child. To watch it grow and learn. But, it's hard to see someones life coming to an end, when you are wanting to start a new one.

I have been trying to figure out in my head how does someone go on living without there mother, sister, daughter?   I don't know how I could go on. My cousins are holding out hope that there mother will turn around and get better.   I have a feeling she won't be with us for very long. It's very sad and depressing to see someone with such life, be in a place where there life is at an end.

My Grandma is know this is devastating for her. To see your child grow from an infant to a teen to an adult for almost 70 yrs and know she is slipping away has got to be the most saddening things you have to experience. My Grandma is very strong, but I fear this will cause her downfall.

I have had my ups and downs with my aunt. I use to think she was mean and horrible when I was younger....She was just guiding me to be the best person I could be. I was shy and unsure of everything. I didn't know how to stand up for myself and it caused me to not be able to say what I needed to. It caused a rift with me being able to like my aunt. Over time I was less shy and realized my aunt wasn't as mean as I thought she was. she was just expecting me to speak up when needed and I didn't know how to. Are relationship has gotten better over the past few years. She missed my wedding because she was ill. I was very sad she didn't come but, the next time she saw me, she gave me a big hug and told me how sad she was she couldn't be there.    I think I knew then that her time was limited.

It will be very sad when she passes. It will be hard on all of the family.   She was the oldest child of 15 kids. She set a great example to everyone. I will miss her dearly!

Bad Breath

2011-01-28T11:47:00.000-07:00

Have you ever talked to someone and there breath was horrible? You know you have. You then take a few steps back and continue the conversation. When you walk away, you try and smell your own breath to see if its bad and smelly...You brushed your teeth, and know your teeth are clean. BUT, does your breath smell??

Have you ever kissed your significant other and they had bad breath(halitosis)? You don't want to be mean anad rude and tell them their breath is horrible....SO what do you do? Tell them to go brush their teeth or give them gum or a mint.

Halitosis is a term used to describe noticeably unpleasant odors exhaled in breathing. Halitosis has a significant impact — personally and socially — on those who suffer from it or believe they do (halitophobia), and is estimated to be the third-most-frequent reason for seeking dental aid, following tooth decay and periodontal disease.^[1]

longing to be a mom

2011-01-20T12:00:00.001-07:00

How did you deal with the longing of wanting to be Mom?

I just finished with my 5th round of IUI's with a NOPE, not pregnant again!!   I am soo scared that I will never get pregnant and have the joy of feeling a life grow inside me. Most days I just want to cry and scream. Then I pray and ask why I can't bring the little spirits down.   I don't know how to deal with the pain and anguish of seeing a dozen pregnant people........ family, friends, and strangers. I feel like I have done something horribly wrong in my life and now am being punished for it.

It has been a long 2 year battle with trying to find out how and why I can't get pregnant. The first 6 months we tried on our own and nothing happened. We went to my ob/gyn, he told us to try for another 3 months. Nothing happened. We went back and he told us we needed to see if my tubes were blocked so we needed to do a HSG.   The Test came back normal, so back to the Dr. He sent us to a urologist to see if it was maybe the hubby. We had also done a sperm count and found out the soldiers weren't up to par. The Urologist did a 3 min exam and told us we needed to go see a fertility specialist.....I was devastated.....I cried all the way home.

The 3 min Dr. recommended a clinic about an 45-60 min drive from the house. We consulted with the Dr at the clinic, he suggested we do IUI's. For 3 months we tried getting pregnant and nothing was happening. The clinic also didn't look to see if there were any problems with me and just went with the notion of the hubby being the problem. We also hated going to the clinic and felt they were only in it for the money, not the patients. The nurses were rude and it was just a bad experience over all.

We took a 4 month break, to calm the emotions and save some money. I got a recommendation to try another clinic 15 min away. We went to a free seminar they were having and found out a lot of info we had never heard before. We set up an appointment with them and hoped things would be for the best.

At our consultation the New Dr took down our history, I brought all the medical info that I had been collecting from all the tests and procedures that we had been doing for the past year and half.   He ordered his own set of tests and didn't rely on the other Dr's information like the first clinic did. He also did an ultrasound on me to see if everything was working properly.

We found out that the hubby needed to be on meds to help the soldiers man up.We also found out I have PCOS.   I had always thought there was something going on with me and now we actually know there was a real diagnosis.   I was put on meds to help with everything and were told to wait a few months for everything to start working again.    It has now been 6 months since we started going to the new place. We have done 2 more IUI's with them actually checking to see that everything is working properly with all my girlie parts.

It has been a huge long hard road for the last 2 years.....I worry that I won't be able to get pregnant. it scares me more then anything. I have always dreamed of having children and being a mom. I have been reading Moosh in indy. She has helped me understand I am not the only one out there wishing and hoping for a miracle to happen with my body.

I know I need to have patients and faith, I wonder if God is trying to make me learn a lesson. I need to learn to have hope. I'm exhausted from wondering every month if the miracle of life has happened within me. I'm emotionally drained from hearing " just relax it will happen" or "stop trying so hard it will happen" or" your a step-mom you don't have to have kids " I want to be a mother to my OWN child. To watch my child to grow up from birth. To know that I carried that child for 9 months and felt them move and grow.

but, It won't happen....not with out help, or meds or Dr's.

life and death

2011-01-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

    At the beginning of our life's we are small and helpless and all around us is a new world to explore. We need and want to learn what's around us. learning new things as we go through life.   We go through troubles, happiness, Sadness, gratitude and hope for a better life for us and others. In the end we have lived, seen many things and explored the world around us. We have hoped for the best, had troubled times that overcame us.

When we are born we look up to others to teach us and help us grow. We go through life with many people teaching us numerous things. We live, we learn, we explore.    We hope to live forever.

When our time has come to an end, we have hoped that we have been great teachers, great friends and awesome Family.

I found out the other day that a family member only has a few weeks to live. Cancer has enveloped her and won't let go. She has fought her battle hard, and can no longer fight anymore. She has taught me to live life to its fullest. To be the best person you can be, to be joyous in the world around us. And for that I thank her. I thank her for being a great example to me and others. I thank her for always having a smile on her face and positive words to give. I will miss your smiles and hugs. It's ok to go on...We will be ok. it will hurt but, we will be strong. I love you D!

Naptime

2011-01-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

For the last few weeks I have been really stressed. I stress about money, work, life and blah blah blah. Yesterday I had had enough and was at my breaking point, I was either going to cry or punch someone or thing. I decided I needed to take a timeout for a bit. SOOOO, I took a nap. It re-energized me and helped calm my stress a little.

I think we need to have nap time at work....it will help re-energize everyone....help with morale and make life better!

All in favor??????

lets start a petition to make a law to have NAP TIME!

peanut butter sandwiches

2011-01-12T15:05:00.001-07:00

I love a good peanut butter sandwich! It sometimes hit the spot perfectly. BUT, we all know that peanut butter has high fat content. So we get the lower in fat one and think we are doing a great job of eating healthy..right?

I saw this blog and read this.....Myth #12: Reduced-fat foods are healthier alternatives
Reality: Less fat often means more sugar

Peanut butter is a representative example for busting this myth. A tub of reduced-fat peanut butter indeed comes with a fraction less fat than the full-fat variety—they’re not lying about that. But what the food companies don’t tell you is that they’ve replaced that healthy fat with maltodextrin, a carbohydrate used as a filler in many processed foods. This means you’re trading the healthy fat from peanuts for empty carbs, double the sugar, and a savings of a meager 10 calories.

So I say stick with the good stuff and just eat less of it! You only need one good peanut butter and banana Sandwich to make things better for you.

Young vs old

2011-01-07T11:58:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks I have started feeling like an adult. I have stresses and worries of an adult like everybody else. But I feel more like an adult, feel like I am getting older and kinda of freaking out about it. I have been dealing with a lot of adult issues...finances, jobs, ailments, and past issues that have come up.

The other day I had visiting teachers from the neighborhood ward come meet me and talk to me...I always thought you would get visiting teachers when your an old lady who had gray hair and grandkids...jk I thought you would get visiting teachers when you were married and had kids....I just didn't realize I was that person....someone who is married and has kids. It made me think that I am now in the category of the "mom" who cooks, cleans, has people come over and visit, and has a family. I didn't really think I would be That person.

I think it scares me even more now that I know I am getting older and I haven't been able to get pregnant yet and have my own kids. I am scared it won't happen for me and I will go the rest of my life with out knowing the feeling of a baby growing inside me. It scares me a lot that I am not the young kid who has no worries and can go play with friends all day who thinks of the future years away. I wanted to be the cool mom who would let you have sleepovers all summer long and sleep in late. Not worrying about adult stresses and freaking out about things.

I don't know if this is a midlife crisis or me just realizing I'm not the younger version of me that has been in my head all these years.

going back to work

2011-01-05T14:59:00.000-07:00

I've been back at work for 3 days after a 2 week holiday break. It was a stressful 2 weeks but a necessary break from work.    First I tried to find last minute Christmas gifts, then wrapping them with a hurt back. ugh....that was painful.    Then trying to coordinate when presents would be opened and going to family's house after. You would think Christmas morning would be fun and exciting.....nope.   waiting for kids to come from there mom's and then trying to figure out when to go to the parental's is a big deal.

The week after christmas was a little less stressful.... I went to court with a friend to help her get her child back from my stupid ass brother. He lied and manipulated his way to get the baby and is trying to convince everyone he is this amazing changed person....bullshit!

After all that happened i started to get sicker. I had been feeling sick and icky a few days before the court hearing but after, I got worse. I spent New Years Eve day in bed feeling horrible and achy. I came downstairs around 7ish to spend a little time with the kids and hubby....I barely lasted until midnight and then went to bed. I spent most of the day on Sunday laying down and trying not to snot all over everything (gross I know) but thats how I felt.

I was not looking forward to waking up at 6:45 when I had been waking up around 9 most mornings. I love my sleep and love sleeping in past 6:45.....heaven.     So when I had to wake up early I knew I was going to be grumpy...I kinda was.

It's nice to have a vacation but it sucks rocks when you have to go back to work!!

Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T19:16:00.000-07:00

The Secret! part 1

2010-12-29T17:07:00.000-07:00

During the summer I had a notion to reveal my secret....I had emailed someone who I thought could possibly help me answer some questions. This person kept asking me about what the secret was....and how he could help me.

I was to scared at that time to reveal anything. I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to handle the secret and what could possibly happen after it was revealed. But, I knew that I had had enough of holding the secret in, had enough of hurting and remembering. I needed somehow to be stronger. I just didn't know what that was going to be.

I had been trying to deal with what could, would and possibly happen when the secret came out. I was worried I would be disappointing, stressing out and making things worse for others. I also knew I couldn't handle holding the secret in anymore.

I needed to let go. I need to move on with my life and heal from the pain it has been causing. I just didn't know how to let it go. When I finally decided to let myself be free from the worry, the stress and horrible pain of the past. I felt free, I felt amazingly healed. I was still worried about the aftermath it may cause, but I was free..... I felt free....The secret was no longer bottled deep in the crevices of myself digging a hole into me trying to get out.

it felt good, it felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt stronger as a person. It was AWESOME!

(stay tuned to part 2)

Christmas and Secrets

2010-12-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

A lot of things have happened in the last few weeks. which has kept me from posting things.

Christmas shopping needed to be finished.....I got paid a week before Christmas and was stressed I wouldn't get shopping done. luckily i went shopping and picked out everything i wanted to get everyone. It was a good Christmas, not a big Christmas, but a good one when your together with family.the kids got what they wanted...I didn't get what I wanted or hoped for but hoping it comes during the year (keeping my fingers crossed)

I met the mom of my new niece, she is beautiful strong and is amazing. I haven't met my niece yet...her dad/my brother decided it was a good idea to take the 2 month old away from her mom, while she was still breastfeeding....WTF. They broke up a week before. She had enough of his lying, manipulation and control of her. She hasn't seen the baby since he took her almost 2 weeks ago. He claims she has been depressed and such.....she probably figured out he was manipulating her. He also has a restraining order against her so she can't see her child.........double WTF. What kind of person takes an infant from their mother while they are being breastfed?? I'll tell you what kind of person he is....he manipulates and lies to get his way....he will treat you very nicely until you do something to piss him off, then he will do anything to make your life hell. I'm going to court to help her get back her child. He SHOULD not be having custody of the baby.

I finally let go of a secret that I had been holding onto for 20 + years. It was a huge load off my shoulders and so cathartic that has made me so much stronger. I haven't thought about the "secret" much since I told it. The fear of the "secret" is still out there and i'm not quite ready to share it...(although I will share it when the time is right).

I just wanted to let everyone know, to let go of their secrets. It's not worth the pain, stress and fear you feel over the years that can hold you back from being the person you need or want to be. If I had told my secret years earlier then maybe less people would have been hurt....I have to live with that.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2010-12-25T17:49:00.002-07:00

100 things!!

2010-12-15T13:31:00.110-07:00

Saw this on another blog and thought it would be cool to do!!

1. Made out for more than 3 minutes?
-Yes sir.

2. Slept in a different bed?
-Yup.

3. Made out in a movie theatre?
I don't think so, but would love to try it.

4. made out with 2 different people in one night?
nope eew!

5. Thought your cousin was hot?
-Not hot, but cute.

6. Been in love?
-Yes.

7. Slept on the couch?
yup cause its comfy

8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex?
-Yeah. he's my husband.

9. Gone over the speed limit?
-Yesss. oops

10. Painted your room?
-not yet, but want to.

11. Drove a car?
-Yep.yep

12. Danced in front of your mirror?
no it would break.

13. Gotten a hickey?
-Yeah. hehehe

14. Been dumped?
-Yes. dumb boy!

15. Stole money from a friend?
no, thats naughty

16. Gotten in a car with people you just met?
no that's kinda scary

17. Been in a fist fight?
no, but think it would be kinda fun to knock someone out!

18. Snuck out of your house?
-NO, to scared to.....well now I can, cause I'm the boss of the house.

19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
-Yeah, it happens.

20. Been arrested?
NO, thank goodness.

21. Made out with a stranger?
-Pretty much, but, it sucked...bad!!

22. Left your house without telling your parents?
-Yeah.

23. Had a crush on your neighbor?
I don't think so

24. Ditched school to do something more fun?
-Yes...hang out with friends

25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same or opposite sex ?
-Yep.....my hubby, he's a hottie

26. Seen someone/something die?
-Yep, very sad!

27. Been on a plane?
-Yes. I love flying

28. Kissed a picture?
-Mhmm, haha.

29. Slept in until 3?
-NO, but close to it.

30. Love someone or miss someone right now?
-Yes.

31. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
-Yeah, that's relaxing.

32. Made a snow angel?
-Yes.

33. Played dress up?
-Yeah, haha.

34. Cheated while playing a game?
-Of course. sometimes you have to.

35. Been lonely?
-Yeah.

36. Fallen asleep at work/school?
-Yuuuuppp.

37. Been to a Sonic?
-Yes. love their cherry limeade's

38. Been present during an earthquake?
-no thank heavens

39. Touched a snake?
-Yesss maammm

40. Ran a red light?
-Yeah.kinda on accident though.

41. Been eligible to move up a grade in school?
-weird question. no

42. Had detention.?
-no but make others have it!

43. Been in a car?
-NOOO DUHHH. Yes:)

44. hated the way you look?
-Everyone has those days, yeah.

45. Witnessed a crime?
-Yes.

46. Been lost?
-Yeah! Thats scary.

47. Been to the opposite side of the country?
-Yeah. to the land down under!!

48. Felt like dying from embarrassment?
-Yessss.

49. Cried yourself to sleep?
-For sure.

50. Sang karaoke?
-Heavens NO!!

51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
-Maybe!

52. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose?
-not yet!

53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
-Yess. i love it.

54. Kissed in the rain?
-not yet, but soon..I hope!

55. Sung in the shower?
-quietly

56. Had a dream that you married someone?
-Yup.

57. played getting married?
when i was little.

58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?
no, but would be fun to see it happen to someone else.

59. Ever gone to school with clothes inside out?
-Yes....totally embarrassed

60. Been absent from school more than 10 times in a semester?
-no

61. Sat on a roof top?
-Yes I have, and watched the sunset.

62. Didn't take a shower for a week?
-only if I have been camping.

63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?
-Yes.

64. Played chicken?
-Yes. and ate it too!

65. Been pushed into a pool?
-Yeah...

66. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger?
-nope or i don't think so.

67. Broken any bones?
-nope.

68. Been easily amused?
-All the time, yeah.

69. Laugh so hard you cry?
-Yes.

70. Cheated on a test?
-Yeah.in second grade

71. Forgotten someone's name?
-For suuure.

72. Blacked out from drinking?
-no eeew.

73. Played a prank on someone?
-Yup.

74. Gone to a late night movie?
-Yeahh.

75. Made love?
-to the man I love!

76. Failed a class?
-almost

77. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat?
nope! hahah

78. Played an instrument?
in JR high.

79. Cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend?
-nope

80. Did you celebrate the 4th of July?
-Yes.

81. Thrown strange objects?
-Yeah

82. Felt like someone else?
-no but wanted to be someone else.

83. Thought about running away?
-Yeahh..lol

84. Ran away?
-wanted to but didn't.

85. Had detention and not attend it?
-no.

86. Made parents cry?
-yes.

87. Cried over someone?
-Yepppp dumb boys!!

88. Owned more than 5 sharpies?
-Yes.

89. Dated someone more than once?
-well kinda?

90. Have a dog?
-Yes. love him

91. Own an instrument?
-not really unless you call a radio an instrument.

92. Been in a band?
-no

93. Drank 25 sodas in a day?
-no, i would be sick!

94. Broken a cd?
-yes.

95. Fell down stairs?
-Yes. ouch

96. Been on myspace for more than 5 hours?
-nope

98. Have a major crush on someone right now?
-my husband!

99. Have a religion?
-Yes.

100. Thought about what people would say at your funeral?
-Yep.

rules and regulations!

2010-12-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

What are rules?? Are they for the betterment of a person or group? OR are the just guidelines to go by so some can change the "rules" and other can just sneak by them without consequence??.......I need to know.

I have to follow the rules. I have to make sure others follow the rules. I give out consequences if the rules are broken.....but when a higher ups person decides it's in the best interest of others to not follow the rules...what do you do?

I am frustrated by people who think it's ok to not follow rules..or make their own rules and screw everyone else.

What do I do? Do I argue my case or is that just fruitless and wasting my breath and energy??

I have argued before an a similiar situation and got nowhere......ugh

Firework

2010-12-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throughout the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

By Katy Perry

I love this song!

cry

2010-12-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

Somedays I just really need a good cry! it makes me feel better.....I get out my frustrations and thoughts and feel a bit better.

2yrs later

2010-12-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

2 years ago today, I thought would be a typical regular day...nothing out of the ordinary. Little did I know an amazing man would ask me the most amazing question.............NO, not did you toot....or where do you want to go for dinner..

He asked me to MARRY HIM! Of course I said YES, cried and was overjoyed. It was something I had hoped for all of my life.


The Beautiful Rings

It has been 2 of the craziest, amazing beautiful years!!

my favorite things

2010-12-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

I hope for the best!

fireworks make me smile

Balloons make me happy

I love watching the clouds float by!

My heart belongs to Eric

My heart also belongs to the DR!

I love to watch snow come down from the sky

I want to go to a peaceful island and dream!

I love the smell of fresh cut grass in the summer

MY FAVORITE DESSERT

Time Flies

2010-11-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

Can't believe that tomorrow is DEC 1st! where did the time go? I have lots to do and only 24 days to get it all done!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2010-11-25T09:09:00.003-07:00

Give thanks

2010-11-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

Is it actually 2 days before thanksgiving? It's amazzing how time flies.

I was grumbling only a few weeks ago about summer ending and now it is 32 days before Christmas!

I know it's crazy that Christmas will be here before you know it. I haven't even thought about Presents or what I would like for Christmas. I sorta banned all thoughts of Christmas before thanksgiving. Why?? Because you need to have Thanks before you can give and receive?! Right? Yes it is true. You need to remember to give thanks for all the things you have...or maybe don't have. Then you can think about all the wonderful things you can give people.

I have noticed that a few days before Halloween, Christmas decorations are being put on the shelves. and that Thanksgiving isn't even thought of anymore. I think society has commercialized Christmas more and more, that nobody really knows what the true feeling of Christmas is....it's not just about religion either. It's about family and the spirit of giving.

I have always loved the Christmas holiday season, the miracle of people being a bit more nice, the loveliness of families. The quiet peacefulness of a soft snow fall that only brings the spirit of Christmas that much closer.

Hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving and be thankful of what you have and to get into the spirit of giving to others.

Donuts!!

2010-11-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

Crispy and Creamy Doughnuts

By: Kelly

"I have tried so many versions of glazed doughnuts, and this one finally came out perfect! Just like the ones at my favorite doughnut shop."

Prep Time:

10 Min

Cook Time:
30 Min

Ready In:
2 Hrs 40 Min

Original Recipe Yield 18 doughnuts

Ingredients

2 (.25 ounce) envelopes active dry yeast
1/4 cup warm water (105 to 115 degrees)
1 1/2 cups lukewarm milk
1/2 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1/3 cup shortening
5 cups all-purpose flour
1 quart vegetable oil for frying

Glaze

1/3 cup butter
2 cups confectioners' sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
4 tablespoons hot water or as needed

Directions

Sprinkle the yeast over the warm water, and let stand for 5 minutes, or until foamy.
In a large bowl, mix together the yeast mixture, milk, sugar, salt, eggs, shortening, and 2 cups of the flour. Mix for a few minutes at low speed, or stirring with a wooden spoon. Beat in remaining flour 1/2 cup at a time, until the dough no longer sticks to the bowl. Knead for about 5 minutes, or until smooth and elastic. Place the dough into a greased bowl, and cover. Set in a warm place to rise until double. Dough is ready if you touch it, and the indention remains.
Turn the dough out onto a floured surface, and gently roll out to 1/2 inch thickness. Cut with a floured doughnut cutter. Let doughnuts sit out to rise again until double. Cover loosely with a cloth.
Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir in confectioners' sugar and vanilla until smooth. Remove from heat, and stir in hot water one tablespoon at a time until the icing is somewhat thin, but not watery. Set aside.
Heat oil in a deep-fryer or large heavy skillet to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Slide doughnuts into the hot oil using a wide spatula. Turn doughnuts over as they rise to the surface. Fry doughnuts on each side until golden brown. Remove from hot oil, to drain on a wire rack. Dip doughnuts into the glaze while still hot, and set onto wire racks to drain off excess. Keep a cookie sheet or tray under racks for easier clean up.

Pomegranates

2010-11-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

How many of you have every wondered what was actually in a pomegranate?? I have always wondered what was inside of a pomegranate. I thought it might look like an apple with lots of seeds in the middle. but I guess it is looks like this......

Kind like an orange with lots of seeds instead of fleshy stuff. I guess I will actually go buy me one and open it myself. SO how do you take the seeds out?

It's actually very easy to seed a pomegranate without making a mess.

Use a mixing bowl that's wide enough to fit your hands in but is fairly deep so you won't splash too much. Fill it half-full with water.
Cut your pomegranate in half (this is the messiest part of the whole job).
Submerge pomegranate halves in water, and use your hands to separate the seeds from the inner membrane.
The membrane is brittle and will float to the surface; discard membrane and outer rind as you remove the seeds.
Skim the surface to remove any bits of membrane and broken arils.
Drain into a colander, and the seeds are ready to use.

The Golden rule!

2010-11-11T12:54:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to figure out why I hate my job as much as I do. I love having people treat me like I have no idea what I am doing! I love constantly being told how to do my job and I love how some of what I did has been taken away from me.....so I have more time to do so many other things that hasn't been taken away from me....yet! Why do I hate my job....... because apparently everyone else knows how to do my job better then I do.

I was in a meeting yesterday and was ignored when I had a comment about the group was talking about. In the same meeting when it was my turn to bring up any items I needed to talk about, another co-worker butted-in and took over my comments. I have in the past tried to bring what I was going to say back to me, but Buttinsky kept talking over me.....so now i stop talking all together. Why waste my energy, or breath. I don't want to be a tattle tell, BUT, I am sick of it.

I recently have started being very standoffish with Buttinsky and the giggle gossip girls( a group of woman who gossip and giggle in the front office and exclude others). I don't care anymore. I don't care if I'm not included. I don't care why someone at work did this or that. I don't care if they don't even like me...What I do care about is being treated like a normal human being who has feelings and doesn't appreciate being treated like a 5 yr old who just learned how to do their job, from someone who has been at the company less time then I have.

It used to be different. I loved coming to work, I loved talking and being with my co-workers. It was fun then. I don't know what has changed? I don't know if because certain people have changed positions at work that they now feel they are above everybody else.

Why can't people just treat other like they want to be treated....ya know the golden rule! I don't think they would want to be ignored or told how to do there jobs. It would be a lovely world if the golden rule was followed every day by every person. there would be no wars, no murders.....nothing that would make the world evil.

Yes, I do complain and am frustrated by my job.....but I just don't know what else to do......any suggestions??

sharing the blanket

2010-11-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

So I have been married for almost 2 years. In that time I think I have shared covers maybe a handful of times. The rest of the time I have my own comforter that I curl up in. I really feel bad for not "sharing" blankets. I really do like sharing. I just like to make myself into a little cocoon at night. The Hubby likes to have his blankets tucked in and cocoon himself that way. I hate the blankets being tucked in. I like my body to be cocooned and my feet free. I know I'm weird!!

When I make the bed the half sheet goes on his side. I don't like sleeping under the sheets and it makes no sense to have a king size sheet bunched up in the middle of the bed like a dividing river between two towns. The hubby's blanket goes over the whole bed, then my blanket. When we get ready for bed we separate the blankets and cuddle with half of the blankets on both. Then I move over to my side and take my blankets with me and he does the same.

There is also the notion of when you do share blankets that one person will get more blanket then the other person.

So the only option is to have 2 separate blankets and cuddle when needed in the middle......with all blankets..or none!!

Loopy,Munchy,Nappy

2010-11-03T13:07:00.005-06:00

About six weeks ago I was moving boxes at work to make more room and in the process I hurt it really bad.

I went to the workers comp Dr. he gave me some strong pain pills and said to come back in a week. I took the pills, and they utterly knocked me out. I couldn't take them at work..I would be useless.......so I could only take them at night he also referred me to a physical therapists .

I went back a week later, and a new Dr. was there. he assessed me and gave me new pills, that shouldn't put me to sleep....Well they didn't but I still had major pain all day long. I went back the next week and told him that I was having trouble sleeping because of the pain, He gave me a new prescription to only take at night to help me sleep. UMMM ya those to knocked me out. I was sleeping, but still in pain.....even with therapy I was not getting better.

I went back again to the Dr and still nothing was improving. He said lets try a new medicine with a steroid to help more.....I agreed and asked if there was anything else we could do.....It has been almost 6 weeks and nothing has changed. He finally realized that this has been going on for a long time and that something else needed to be done. He referred me to a back specialist and now I have to wait for my workers comp caseworker to authorize me going to the new Dr.   ugh

The new meds with steroids have me a bit loopy....then I want something to munch on....then I want to take a nap....I started taking them yesterday...I took 2 before breakfast, 1 after lunch, 1 after dinner and 2 before bed a totally of 6 pills.   So the vicious cycle of loopy, munchy, nappy. went on all day long. I am only taking 5 today, 4 tomorrow, then 3,2,1    So by Sunday I will have been loopy, munchy, nappy multiple times a day...I think I will be needing a vacation from all of this

.   I am just hoping to get into the specialist as soon as possible and that he can make the pain stop.

Abbott & Castello

2010-11-02T11:22:00.000-06:00

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Welcome to the Super Duper Computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend
for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............

Women

2010-10-24T11:00:00.016-06:00

Women have strengths that amaze men.....

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in..

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give..

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Clean Freak

2010-10-22T08:00:00.002-06:00

I'm not a "clean freak" but I love my house clean and clutter free. Ok maybe I am a clean freak

I work full time and don't have the whole day to clean and tidy up and even if I did, i'm not sure everything would get done. So I usually do the dishes while the kids are doing homework. I also clean off the cupboard after the dishes are done. If I notice the floors need to be swept, I usually do it while the kids are doing their chores (feed pets, clean rooms) usually on the weekend a few more chores are added for the kids(vacuuming, taking out bathroom garbage's, cleaning windows and walls)

I have taught the 5 and 11 yr old how to put their clothes in the washer and start it, I have to help add the detergent for the 5 yr old. But, the 11 yr old can add the detergent and start the washer. When the washer is done the 11 yr old will put her clothes in the dryer, the 5 yr old needs a little help. After the laundry is finished the kids fold and put away their clothes. This has helped the kids learn more responsibility and I actually think they like doing it.

The house is usually pretty clean. I try and stay on top of it during the week. I have noticed that if the house is cluttered then I feel cluttered. I'm more anxious and more frustrated. When this happens I HAVE to clean. I have to relieve my stress by cleaning. Then I usually feel better. It is sooooo nice to walk into my house when it's clean.

I'm sure I have dust bunnies running amuck around the house, a few cob webs hiding in the corners, and possible a few little spiders lurking around. But I call it home.

What's for dinner?

2010-10-20T11:39:00.002-06:00

I have noticed a few people have blogged about not having enough time to make dinner or knowing what to make. I was the same way. I didn't know what to make every night and struggled with satisfying my family with a variety of meals.   So I had a brilliant idea and decided to start making a menu. I was going to make a weeks worth of meals and possibly rotate them. Then I got the idea of just doing a whole months worth of meals.

I printed out a blank calendar and asked the hubby and kids what they wanted for meals for the month. We had numerous meals planned and then I had another brilliant idea!! We would make a list of everything we need to make all the dinners for the whole entire month.....Yes, I said the entire month.

The hubby and I looked through the pantry, fridge and freezer and wrote down everything we need for the menu. We went shopping and over the next few months we noticed our grocery bill was cut in half. No more going to the store mid week to fill up the pantry and get minor things we wanted....Not needed. We would have to go occasionally to get milk and other necessary items But, no more headache trips to the store multiple times a month. It was fabulous.

Each month about a week before the end of the month, the hubby and I sit down and write out the next months menu.   A few days before the end of the month we write our grocery list, go shopping and make sure we have everything for the month.

It has helped cut down on the kids asking "what's for dinner" They also get excited when one of their favorite meals are being had that night!

Questioning going to church?

2010-10-18T20:19:00.001-06:00

A friend of mine is questioning whether she should keep going to church or not. I told her "People can be Christ like and not go to church, and people can also be judgmental, horrible, and unwelcoming and go to church every week".

I have witnessed people who aren't LDS and are the most Christ like people I have known. I have also witnessed people who are LDS, go to Church every week, and are judgmental, immoral ,self righteous people.

Just because you go to church does not mean your have the right to judge people, be mean to them, or treat them differently. right?

People who leave, usually leave because of the people in the church or because of what is being taught?

I haven't been to church in a long time, and I haven't really felt the need to go back. I realized a few years ago that I had major anxiety about going to church. To have the perfect outfit on, perfect makeup, to have the perfect attitude. I don't feel that anymore. I don't feel the need to be perfect anymore and have this inferior attitude for a few hours on Sunday. It's nice to just be myself again.

When I did go, I felt like People where judging me, felt unworthy to be there because of judgmental people and felt completely out of place. The ward I grew up in split when I was about 19. I hated it. I felt my "family" had been torn apart. The people I knew and loved where not going to be family anymore. I had to go be with a different family, a family I didn't know, or love or want to be with.   So I stopped going. I also didn't understand a lot of what was being taught. I just accepted certain things and didn't really soak in what was being taught. I also had numerous questions about what was being taught and nobody would help me understand. Most things I wanted to know about was things that were done in the temple. The answer I got was " you can't talk about it unless you have gone through the process." Well I didn't go through the process, so I stopped wondering.

I didn't find out what happened in the temple until A friend who no longer is a member told me about what happened. I found it a bit weird and strange, I also didn't understand why no one in the church would tell me

For the people who are questioning on whether they should keep going to church or stop, they should ask themselves why they want to stop.   Are they stopping because of the people in the church or because of what is being taught. Go for yourself, your own agenda, not others. Go because you WANT to go, not because you have to or feel obligated to.

Dating Game

2010-10-11T13:09:00.000-06:00

I have a friend, she is single and wants to join the dating game again after a long relationship that wasn't meant to be. She has signed up for a few dating websites and is frustrated with the caliber of men. Some men are only interested in her looks, some interested in nothing but a hook-up, some are interested in what she does for a living , and a small few are actually interested in her.

She asked me to get on her profile and to see the comments she has been getting from guys. Here are a few.....

"was reading your profile and you seem like a wonderful and fun lady"   umm maybe?

"whats up dearest, can i talk you into having a conversation for a bit? you have me quite intrigued" who calls people dearest, but my grandma

"can we chat?? want to learn more about you"   that's the best you can do

"So we should maybe get some coffee and take a fencing class or two. :) "    coffee then playing with swords? umm weird?

"Hey beaytiful how are you?" I love the spelling and seriously, your going to start that even before you have met?

"YOU are a 10 out of 10 " CLASSIC!

Ok seriously people!! Where do guys come up with this kind of crap? We had quite the laugh at many of the emails, winks, smiles and Hi's she has received.   I am sooo happy to not be in the dating game. Just reading those made me feel like slapping a few of the guys and telling them to go ask their mothers how to speak to a nice, normal girl and not treat us like meat with legs.

Spookly!

2010-10-07T08:17:00.004-06:00

http://www.kidtoonfilms.com/

How cute...there is a giveaway if you want to win this cute little movie

No Bake Cookies Bars

2010-10-04T13:25:00.000-06:00

Prep Time: Ready In:
10 Min 45 Min

Ingredients

1 3/4 cups white sugar
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup butter
4 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup crunchy peanut butter
3 cups quick-cooking oats
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

In a medium saucepan, combine sugar, milk, butter, and cocoa. Bring to a boil, and cook for 1 1/2 minutes stirring occasionally . Remove from heat, and stir in peanut butter, oats, and vanilla. pour mixture into a wax papered jelly roll pan, let cool until hardened then cut into desired pieces.
ENJOY!!

cluttered mind

2010-09-28T12:33:00.000-06:00

I have realized that my addiction to rearranging my furniture, is due to my life being cluttered or in upheaval.

I will get an itch to rearrange different rooms in the house. I will then try and figure out what the best placement for everything should be. It could take me a few weeks or a few days to actually rearrange things. But when I do, I notice it is when I am stressed and need things in my life be in order. So I rearrange. It could take me a few hours to move everything how I want it. or it could take me 20 min to move stuff.

Most of the time after things have been rearranged I feel better. I feel things have been cleaned, cleared and re-energized. It's very refreshing to walk in to a newly rearranged room. It just feels new!

Then a few days after I have rearranged, my world calms down and everything usually is at peace.

I usually feel much better about my world and less stressed.

Would anyone actually pay for someone to come rearrange their house.......so their lives will be less insane ?

Baby Showers!

2010-09-22T13:40:00.000-06:00

I have numerous cousins, who have numerous babies, who have numerous baby showers.....SO what exactly is the protocol for giving baby showers?? I thought you had a baby shower on your first child and possible another one if there is a big gap in years since you had your last child. But not one with every child you have.

I have had cousins have a baby shower with each child they had. Some of them have 3 kids, some have more. I understand having a baby shower for someone who is having their first child, BUT not one who is having their 6th with two tears apart between each child. Seriously!!

I received in the mail yesterday an invite to a baby shower for a cousin-in-law who is having her 2nd child but, new gender from the last one. So does that mean every time you have a baby with a different gender you get a baby shower??

I think some people are greedy when it comes to that. If you are having your second baby, and its a different gender from the first......Well, then go buy new stuff. not expect others to have a party for you so you can get more baby crap with a different color on it. I also think people take some of the clothes back and get a money or store credit to get other stuff beside baby stuff......grrrrrr

chocolate covered bacon

2010-09-10T14:06:00.000-06:00

12 Servings
Prep: 20 min. Bake: 20 min.

Ingredients

12 thick-sliced bacon strips (about 1 pound)
12 wooden skewers (12 inches)
6 ounces white candy coating, chopped
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 tablespoon shortening
Optional toppings: chopped dried apple chips, apricots and crystallized ginger, finely chopped pecans and pistachios, toasted coconut, kosher salt, brown sugar, cayenne pepper and coarsely ground black pepper

Directions

Thread each bacon strip onto a wooden skewer. Place on a rack in a large baking pan. Bake at 400° for 20-25 minutes or until crisp. Cool completely.
In a microwave, melt candy coating; stir until smooth. Combine chocolate chips and shortening; melt in a microwave and stir until smooth.
With pastry brushes, coat bacon on both sides with melted coatings. Top each strip as desired. Place on waxed paper-lined baking sheets. Refrigerate until firm. Store in the refrigerator. Yield: 1 dozen.

ugh

2010-09-09T12:03:00.000-06:00

I have been at work for almost 3 weeks.... I really don't like it. I hate not being informed of important things. It just plain sucks. I hate being told one thing and then not having that happen. It has been a very hard first few weeks. I am hoping that things get better?? but who knows at this point~

I would rather stay at home with the hubby and clean my house, do laundry, vacuum, mop, wash windows, mow the lawn......ok just be home with the hubby.

over the weekend

2010-09-07T12:08:00.001-06:00

Over the weekend Eric & I had a lovely surprise show up on our doorstep, ringing the doorbell constantly until we opened it. My Brother and his fiance from Colorado!! They had told me earlier in the week that they were going to go camping. I received a text from her saying they had found a perfect spot to stay for the weekend. I hadn't had a chance to reply before the doorbell had started furiously ringing. So when it did start ringing Eric looks at me and asked who was at the door...I had no idea!

Eric went down and opened the door and surprise!!

W talked and laughed at how they tricked us. Sunday we BBQed Steak, Shrimp & brats. It was very yummy. That night we had invited all the siblings over to have smores and treats. Well no one showed but the parents. After they left and we came inside Eric and my brother decided to play on the wheelchairs Eric has for his foot. They started out racing down the street. when that was to much they came in and started trying to pop wheelies. After my brother fell a dozen plus times. They started throwing paper plates at each other, then to 2 month old rock hard marshmallows. We all stayed up until 2 am. It was one of the funniest weekends I have had in a long time! I even have video of my brother falling numerous times.

	Kristi Montgomery I love Peppermint and Energy. Tycen's favorite is Lemongrass and Marcail's is Grapefruit pear. There isn't anything that we have tried that we haven't absolutely loved!! Not only do they smell great but they have helped our dry skin so much!!
	Laurie Cole Rose My personal favorite winter soap-Warm Cinnamon. A great cozy, comfort scent for all over, including hair. Love the squeeky clean hair. I think I'm going to have a favorite for each season. The citrus scents are perfect for feeling Spring!
	Stacey Sorenson Peterson Heavenly Energy is just that! Love it~ a new favorite!
	Richelle Gearhardt WOW, totally shocked and in love!.. the best soap in the world! yummy! Idea.. Natural Handmade Artisan "DISH" Soap.. for the hands
	Shane Hegemann Belt I have loved the Exotic Lime, and the Lemon! One of my favorite things are the ridges in the soap. That may sound funny, but I feel that it acts as a scrubber on my body! Even though my bar is getting smaller, the ridges are still there, and working like a charm!! Can't wait for my new shipment to arrive!

Life is Jillicious

Happy 3rd Anniversary

Weather appropriate and parenting!

Hoarding

Moments in time

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Jars!!

Get out!

Giveaway!!

Wilton Ultimate Decorating Set

peanut butter bars

Dr's, diagnosis, and treatments.

easy peasy Lasagna

Crock pot recipes

All recipes came from Crock pot moms

EASY CHICKEN

sometimes for a change I use cream of mushroom soup and add 1 Cup of rice for the last 2 hours.

SUPER EASY!

6 Boneless Chicken Breast2 cans of cream of chicken soup1 can of cream of mushroom soup1 can of waterThrow it all in the crock pot and let cook on low all day while at work. When I get home from work I cook some rice to serve along with the above

Happy Halloween

Green Tomatoes

Ingredients

Directions

beans or no beans

I didn't always love what she put in the chili but I loved the smell of it. She would also make bread sticks to go with the chili and let us kids help roll the dough into long snakes.

Now a days I just buy my chili.....although the hubby doesn't like the beans in them?? Crazy!!

The Little Seed....Featured Friday

What is......

Happy Anniversary

A year ago

what's in my head.

Awkward!

I'm tired.

Christian Slater

shock therapy/torture

Pain, Drs and stupid people.

Peach Pie!

Happy Birthday Gma

Diane's Almond Joy Cake

Stitches are out!

Drama from trying to dry fruit!

chocolate chunk-banana bread

Chocolate Chunk-Banana Bread Mix

What You Need

Make It

Kraft Kitchens Tips

vacation prt 3

vacation prt 2

vacation prt 1

Pani Popo or coconut rolls!

Me

My sucky birthday

A crappy week.

Renee's Naturals-therapy for your skin.

Birthday snooping!

I hate Mothers Day

My Weekend

Free food!

Panic at the Dr's

I just want...

Invitation protocol!

Why do people argue??

Faith

last day drama!

Pen-Pal Postcard Exchange

Change is good!

Five Minute Ice Cream

5 Min

Ready In: 5 Min

Ingredients

Directions

Chocolate Eclairs

Prep Time: 15 Min

Ready In: 15 Min

Directions

Why does God hate me....pt2

Why does God hate me.

Weeknight Cheese Quiche

What You Need

Make It

6 Boneless Chicken Breast
2 cans of cream of chicken soup
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
1 can of water

Throw it all in the crock pot and let cook on low all day while at work. When I get home from work I cook some rice to serve along with the above

Ready In:
5 Min

Prep Time:
15 Min

Ready In:
15 Min

Cook Time:
30 Min

Ready In:
2 Hrs 40 Min